Wednesday, September 19, 2007

Progress, Not Perfection

Thank you. Thank you all a thousand times over. I don't know how I can possibly put into words how much it meant to me that you all supported me so willingly, without giving it a second thought, without judging me for needing such support from you. The blogosphere is a wonderful thing - a community of people willing to step up at a moment's notice and say, "I will help you." Your comments, emails, IMs, etc. all helped me tremendously. It's hard to tell people when I need help, especially the kind of help that is really just a kind word of reassurance, because I feel weak and needy, and I'd rather just be strong enough to do it all completely on my own. I'm sure some of you out there know exactly what I mean.

But the fact is that we can't do it on our own - I can't do it on my own. And you were all there to tell me that I didn't have to, because you'd be there to help. I can't possibly ever thank you enough for that.

I'm on the road to straightening out my meds issues, so with luck (and more money than I'd like to pay right now, probably) that will all settle back into a nice rhythm within the next couple weeks. And New Boy and I will find a way to straighten out our relationship, too, whether that means being friends or being strangers or what. Things aren't perfect around here, but I just keep telling myself:

Progress, not perfection.

It's true that the last week or so had me at a level of depression I haven't seen in almost a year. But I recognized it and asked for help much sooner than I did last time. I talked to people whose opinions I trust and asked for their advice. And, because I'm sure some of you are wondering but afraid to ask, I did not cut myself - not even once. (For those who didn't know, I'm a cutter and have struggled with this in the past. Read posts about it here.)

So am I 100% healthy and happy? No. But I'm in better shape than I was the last time something like this happened. And that's a very good thing.


Meanwhile, there have been a few small changes around here that I'd like to bring to your attention if I could. (Because let's face it: Depressed or not, I'm still a blogger.) First, I subscribed with BlogRush, a new tool that helps drive traffic to your site. If you look in the sidebar, you'll see a new widget there that shows some other posts from the blogosphere. Those are posts from blogs similar to mine (in theory), and my posts show up in widgets on other sites. I highly recommend jumping on this particular bandwagon, as it can increase your traffic exponentially. Click on the tab that says "BlogRush" for more info and to sign up. (And do it here, because if you click from my site, you become my referral, and all of your referrals get linked back to me, etc. It's all explained on the site.)

Second, during a routine blog-walk over at Love is Blonde, I discovered Twenty Something Bloggers, a network for - gasp! - bloggers in their twenties. I know I have a number of readers who fit this category (you know who you are!), so you should all consider going and joining and being my friend! I even have a comment wall, so those of you who have been desperate for me to join Facebook can now write stuff on this wall instead. Check it out and consider joining up.


Before I sign off, I'd like to say a HUGE congratulations to Amanda of Tumble Dry and The Wink, who is going to be blessed with a new little miracle in her life. Thanks for giving me something to be happy about when I thought there was nothing. If it's a girl, consider the name Lara - it has a ring to it, no? ;)


Anonymous said...


Kennethwongsf said...

Glad to see that dawning smile on your face again. One day at a time, my friend, one day at a time. You'll get there soon, I promise.

Anonymous said...

So sorry I wasn't there for you!! Glad you are doing better and getting your meds straightened out!! I just had major oral surgery so haven't been around. But doing better every day!!

Take care sweetie!

Amanda said...

You are such a doll! I am so proud of you for working through this and so glad I was able to comment and cheer you with my pink lines.

No go dancing or something, ok?

Anonymous said...

I know what you mean about feeling weak when asking for help. I definitely have that problem and it gets in my way quite a lot. Also a cutter, though I haven't cut in six years. Sometimes I find myself really, really wanting to, but so far I haven't. You should be proud that you didn't either. It's a very difficult struggle that many people just can't understand.

Progress, not perfection. I like that.

Guilty Secret said...

Well done, you. Asking for help is not easy, but it is a very important thing to learn to do. The most important step I have ever made in battling depression is learning to catch it early and do something about it before the darkness takes over.

We're still here if you need some more love!

Anonymous said...

I'm very happy to hear that you feel more empowered. It's great that you recognized it earlier this time. I also find that now that I know what to look out for, I can do something before I'm in too deep. My "episodes" are therefore much, much shorter.
Life, eh? Nobody said it was easy!

Anonymous said...

Hooray! And thanks for the update - I've been thinking of you lots since your last post.

Still Jill B said...

Wow and Congrats on the not-cutting. And impressive on the asking for help. That's fantastic! So hard, so brave, SO the mark of a grown up. The rest of us twenty-somethings smile at you in awe of being a leader. A worthwhile leader. A Someone we look to.

flutter said...


fourthbreakfast said...

Glad to hear you are feeling better.

Random comment: At Blogher last year, they talked about making blogs handicapped accessible. One (of the many) items in their suggestions was to put your main blog on the left and your archives, links, etc. on the right.

That way, if someone is using an auto electronic reader to read the blog out loud, they don't have to wade through your sidebar before they get to your content.

Anonymous said...

Yay you. There is such strength in asking for help ... something I am really, really terrible at.

Big hugs

mama in waiting said...

first off, i need to tell you that the last time i decided to quit my meds i punched a hole in the wall right by my bed (i'm so NOT violent or lash-outish, which is what was scary). so yeah, i've been in that yucky dark place before...the one where it feels hopeless and terrible...and d'you know what you did, in the midst of that? from where you were curled on the floor in an itty bitty held out your hand.

what a gift to us, and to yourself. despite your best (withdrawal-laden) efforts, you are caring for you. i'm so proud of you for doing that, and for giving us a chance to reach back.

here's to hoping that those 'valleys' continue to become more and more shallow.

PS - i agree with amanda's comment from monday. boys *are* dumb.

Wolf Lover Girl said...

I'm so sorry I haven't been doing really well with coming over and checking you out so I'm just now stumbling upon this.

I'm glad to hear that you are doing better and keep giving us updates to let us know how you are doing.

RE: New Boy - I agree with someone in your previous post, you're young, if it doesn't click with him then let it go. If it works out that you two are just friends then consider yourself lucky you have another good person to talk to.

Good luck to you and I'll keep you in my thoughts!

~ Wolf Lover Girl

Chad Oneil Myers said...

I'm glad you're feeling better, Lara.

Lisa said...

You are amazing. I so admire your strength. Your spirit.
And I totally love your mantra, progress not perfection...I should try that one on for size.
I am NOT in my twenties anymore. Sadly. :(

mks said...

Glad to hear things are looking up. I am off to check out Blogrush!