Tuesday, July 28, 2009

This Post Really Needs Images, But I Couldn't Find BlowHer or Xenophobes on Google Images

There are many things I want to say about BlogHer. There is, of course, the traditional recap, where I talk about what I did and who I met. There are the sessions I attended and what I took away from them. And there are all the "meta" thoughts - how people interacted and what my place was among them. But it kind of feels like - let's be honest here - all of that would be so boring that you would want to shove your thumbs into various orifices of your body purely in the hopes of something interesting happening. And depending on which orifice you choose, that could be very dangerous, and if my post drove you to it then I think that makes me liable.

So I've made my own meme to sum it up. I know, right? I can practically hear your thumbs preparing to dive right in, but stay with me. Here for your pleasure (I hope) is what I will lovingly refer to as

BlogHer '09: A to Z

A is for... Anxiety, of which there was much through the weekend. Saturday I couldn't even get myself to leave the room until noon, and then only because Middle Aged Woman agreed to meet me for lunch so I wouldn't have to be alone. Yes, I am just that awesome.

B is for... BlowHer. I am sworn to secrecy by both the Cone of Silence and the Safe Circle, so I can't say much, but trust me when I say that BlowHer was, quite possibly, the best part of the whole weekend.

C is for... Coincidence, like when Jessica and I got on our flight to Chicago and then, to my complete surprise, who should get into the two seats right in front of us? Lady M and Fourth Breakfast, two of my "In Real Life" friends who were also heading to BlogHer. Or when, after having *just* explained to Jessica that my greatest fear about my blog is being discovered by people at work and then being dooced for it, a fellow staff member from Christian School was on the flight home with us. I managed to keep quiet about my reasons for being in Chicago and Jessica managed not to shout out anything like, "Hey, Lara, I had a great time at that BLOGGING CONFERENCE with you! Thanks for talking about BLOGS with me! I love your BLOG!"

D is for... Debt, like I am in after this weekend. Especially combined with having already registered for BlogHer '10 in New York and buying two new pairs of shoes yesterday. I am a one-woman stimulus for this economy, I swear.

E is for... E.L.F. - which stands for "eyes-lips-face" - makeup, who hosted a suite, gave free samples, and made good conversation with those who stopped by. I am enjoying my samples and look forward to checking out more of their products in the future, especially because their stuff is all $1, $3, or $5, and we all remember what D was for, yes?

F is for... Frozen yogurt. I really want some right now. Sorry, that's not about BlogHer, but I did want some while I was at BlogHer too, so that should count, right?

G is for... Glamour, the very definition of which is wearing pink feather boas through a bowling alley. Really, look it up in the OED if you don't believe me.

H is for... High heels. I didn't wear any the entire weekend. I was all about the flip flops, and honestly? I don't regret that decision.

I is for... Izzy Mom, who listened to me ramble and rant on Friday night. I appreciate that she didn't hold it against me when I saw her the next day, even though I really had been in a bitchtastic mood and she was just in the WRONG place at the WRONG time.

J is for... Jenny, The Bloggess, who is fabulously awesome and may or may not have offered me some "Mexican diet pills." And I may or may not have turned them down because they were Mexican, which may or may not (but almost certainly does not) make me racist.

K is for... Kleenex, which I really should have remembered to bring to the community keynote on Friday night. Her Bad Mother made me cry. A lot. Next year, I swear I'll be better prepared.

L is for... Licking. I hear a lot of this went on, but I was never present for it. For better or worse.

M is for... Mommybloggers, who have never marginalized me and who - as a group - are amazing and wonderful and not greedy marketing-whores like some people have portrayed them.

N is for... New friends, because I made many over the weekend. Everyone give that big, cheesy "Awwww!" now.

O is for... Overwhelming, which was the number one most common answer I heard to, "So, how has BlogHer '09 been for you?" and/or, "How was BlogHer '09?" I totally agree, by the way.

P is for... Pregnant women, because there were SO MANY of them this year. BlogHer '10 is going to have a whole lot of infant attendees.

Q is for... Question, like the one I managed to pose at the MamaPop ROYO (Room Of Your Own, for the uninitiated) session. Took me about 20 minutes to work up the courage, but I did manage not to crap my pants with terror while I asked, and Sugar actually complimented me on my thoughts. Clean pants and a compliment - a win-win!

R is for... Road trip, like the one I want to plan to get to New York City for BlogHer '10. Anyone want to join in?

S is for... Swag, but I think we've all heard WAY MORE THAN WE EVER NEEDED TO HEAR ABOUT THE EFFING SWAG DEBACLE. Ahem.

T is for... Thumbs, which are hopefully nowhere they shouldn't be right now.

U is for... Unicorn cake, which I never got to eat but which others told me was fabulous. Sadly, when I was supposed to be RSVPing for that party, I was feeding starving kids in Africa, so I didn't get to go. I know - my priorities are all messed up.

V is for... Vibrators, but I already told that story.

W is for... Whoops, like, "Whoops, apparently I booked my hotel room at the Sheraton for the week BEFORE BlogHer, instead of the week OF BlogHer!" Fortunately they took pity on me when I almost started crying and found me a spare room and all was well.

X is for... Xenophobes. I don't think there were any at the conference, but maybe I just wasn't looking closely enough.

Y is for... YOU! Because I'm glad you actually read this whole thing. Or you skipped to the end, in which case, you're kind of brilliant.

Z is for... Zack Attack, the fake band Zack Morris dreamed up in that one episode of Saved by the Bell. Because... um... it was the first 'Z' thing I could think of.

Now I know my ABC's - next time I will plan my recaps better so I don't have to do this again because it takes way too much mental energy.


Anonymous said...

I have been skipping through many of the Blog Her recap posts, primarily because they all end up sounding the same and not because I am totally jealous about not being there. I have to admit I read the entire alphabet and enjoyed it. It sounds like fun. I want to go to NY but it is soooooo far away.

Still Jill B said...

Good deal, yo. (and by "deal" I mean "post")

dawn said...

Love your recap. I need to get to BlogHer in New York. Road trip--you could pick me up in St. Louis on your way :)

unmitigated me said...

Very clever, miss. Way more interesting than the usual recap. And I am proud to have an anxiety sister like you! Maybe we need to do a blog together with that title! The Anxiety Sisters: We Break a Sweat So You Don't Have To!

Lara said...

@Middle Aged Woman - LOL, seriously. That's an awesome title. :-P

Motherhood Uncensored said...

You are the best. Seriously. So good to see you again.

fourthbreakfast said...

It was fun to hang with you at the conf and in the various forms of transportation we shared;)

BetteJo said...

I read the whole alphabet because I wanted to see what you were going to come up with! Good for you - every letter! But you could have skipped one or 2 and I probably wouldn't have been the wiser. Clever post, I give you an A!

Jessica R. said...

Hey, Lara, I had a great time at that BLOGGING CONFERENCE with you! Thanks for talking about BLOGS with me! I love your BLOG! ;-)

All joking aside, awesome awesome recap. And I do love your blog. And you. And I'll fly anywhere with you... but I'm not driving to NY. Because that's far.

Suburban Oblivion said...

As much as I would love to road trip with you, south Alabama is a bit far to drive to NYC, so I'll be flying. ;)

Kick-as recap, totally love it :D

Anonymous said...

It was good to meet you at dinner Sat night :)

Cynthia said...

Way to work a Blogher recap!

Chicky Chicky Baby said...

It was so fantastic to finally meet you! Even if I did have to point out the obvious to you. ;)

(and for the record, not obvious at all. Nobody knows what i look like and i kind of like it that way and i came home all squiked out that people knew me AND what i look like and next year i'll be hiding in the room with you. so there.)

CaseyDeuce said...

I absolutely love this post. Absolutely. Love. It.

Sugar Jones said...

I'm just now seeing this. I'm so sorry that I didn't also compliment your clean pants! xoxo