If you're like me, reading that title has you singing that song. You know the one - it's from... like... the 80's? Or the 70's? And it's all, "Tell me something good..." Google informs me that it's by Rufus and Chaka Khan. No? Nothing? Okay, then you are nothing like me.
My mom is a very positive sort of person (no, I have no idea how she produced me, the stormiest personality EVER), so she's always trying to keep an optimistic attitude and help others around her do the same. So she learned at some point to stop saying, "How are you?" or "What's up?" when she passes coworkers at the office. You've probably realized by this point in your life - the point at which you're capable of perusing the internet and reading blogs, which has got to be at least 7 or 8 years old, right? - that when you ask someone at work, "How are you?" the most common response is going to be complaining. So instead of inviting complaints and ranting with a generic question like "How are you?" my mom opens up with, "Tell me something good!" This way, the person you're talking to is immediately led to focus on the positive instead of the negative.
Unfortunately, I'm a grouch. I have trouble focusing on the positive when there is negative to be worried about. The positive in my life often lurks in the shadow of the negative. I am Charlie Brown, standing beneath the one solitary storm cloud that follows him around and rains wherever he goes.
Today, that was even more true than usual. Today was a shitty day. I don't usually describe days as shitty, because I honestly don't use swear words very often in my daily life. I would usually describe a bad day as 'crappy,' or, if I'm feeling slightly more hip and witty, maybe I'd call it 'craptastic.' Shitty is only used for really horrendously shitty days.
Last night, as those who follow me on Twitter already know, I found out that HTG is engaged. HTG - Hot Teacher Guy - the love of my life for over a year now. Now, I know, I only ever talked about HTG as a pseudo-joke here on the blog and over on Twitter. It probably seemed like no big deal. I wrote it that way on purpose, but it's not true. I could not, for more than a year, control how strongly I felt about him. Fully head over heels I was, not just for his looks - which are amazing, engaged or not - but for his sheer quirkiness. For more than a year I've been hoping that somehow it might work out.
And then I found out that he got engaged.
I'm not really surprised. I told Tpiglette numerous times that I fully expected he'd come back from summer break engaged. But thinking it will happen and knowing it DID happen are two different things. And I found out when I was with friends who had no idea I was so hung up on him, so I had to try to just pretend that it meant nothing to me, when really I just wanted to cry. (I did, much later, when I was alone.)
This morning I wasn't feeling any better. I had to fight with myself to get out of bed at all, and that two hours later than I should have. Eventually I got myself ready and headed to the DMV, which I think is really just a preview of Hell itself. I didn't get what I needed accomplished, and, in fact, I only got a new task for myself amidst a stack of others. Thank you SO MUCH, Mr. Helpful DMV Guy - I could really tell you cared about my dilemma the way you kept staring blankly and snapping your gum at me.
At school, the day only got worse. I picked up a preliminary set of class rosters, to see who would be in my various classes. I don't want to say too much here, but let's just say that while there were a few things about those rosters that were good, there were many things that made me EXTREMELY UNHAPPY. Like, "Great, now I'm crying again" unhappy. Like, "I want to shout out every curse word I know in a long string because only one or two won't do it" unhappy.
Days like today, when my mom says, "Tell me something good," these are the kinds of answers I have for her:
"At least I'm not cutting myself!"
"I don't have enough drugs on hand to overdose!"
"I'm not mean enough to actually murder anyone!"
"The last time I hit rock bottom I lost weight, so maybe this will help with my diet!"
And of course: "Someday I'll be dead and none of this will matter!"
Yeah, my "something good" responses suck. I know it, but I can't help it. Days like today, I just don't have it in me to find real, genuine good.
Tell me something good?