Sunday, August 09, 2009

Math is Hard and Apparently So Is Dating

So I'm sitting in the kitchen, eating my generic Grape Nuts (called "Nutty Nuggets," which, in my opinion, sounds a little dirty), when my housemate goes, "Lara, I'm moving to New York."

Now, let me explain something here. I currently live with three other women. One of those women is only with us for another week before moving back to Michigan. One is moving to San Francisco in October. And the other one is the one who actually owns the house we all live in, collecting rent from the rest of us.

Guess which one had me choking on my Nutty Nuggets when I heard her say, "Lara, I'm moving to New York."

Yes, the woman who owns the house I live in suddenly wants to move to New York. This is really going to mess with my plans.

But wait, here's the rest of our conversation, complete with my own internal commentary:

Me: "Wait... like... you're seriously moving to New York?"

Her: "Well, I'm thinking about it."

My brain: Oh, thank God, this is just one of those "I'm thinking about doing something that I will almost certainly never actually do," like when I'm all, "I'm going to take up skydiving," or, "I'm going to start showering more often."

Her: "There are more single people in New York."

My brain: What? THAT'S what this is about? Finding more SINGLE PEOPLE? I need a place to LIVE, crazy lady!

Me: "Well, there are more people in general, I guess."

Her: "No, really, I went looking at this study last night on Facebook..."

My brain: Well, there's a reputable news source...

Her: "... and guess how many single men there are in this area."

Me: "I have no idea."

Her: " [Some number around 7,500 or so. I wasn't paying enough attention to remember.] "

Me: "That's a lot of men."

My brain: That seems like a way smaller number than I would have guessed.

Her: "That's single men ages 35-45."

My brain: Oh, right, she's 38. She's probably not looking for single guys in their 20's or early 30's. I guess that's why the number is smaller than I expected.

Her: "And guess how many single women there are in this area."

Me: "I still have no idea."

Her: " [Some number around 5,000.] "

My brain: That's because we live in the technology capital of the world. We're surrounded by geeky boys who have no clue how to socialize with women. They've driven all the single girls away by now.

Me: "That's good odds then."

Her: "Now guess how many single men there are in New York."

My brain: I hope this game ends really, really soon.

Me: "Not the slightest clue."

Her: " [Something around 11,000.] "

My brain: Quick, do something so she doesn't tell you to guess how many single women there are in New York.

Me: "And how many single women are there?"

Her: " [Something around 12,500.] "

Now, let's just stop the conversation right there, because if you have any math abilities whatsoever, you'll be able to figure out that where she currently lives has more single men than women, but she wants to move to New York, where there are more single women than men. She wants to actually move to where there is MORE competition for the men.

When I pointed this out to her, she said that she wanted to go to New York because the number of men is so much higher. Because "if the numbers just aren't there," then she can't meet any men anyway, and therefore can't even get to worrying about competing with other women.

Now, is it just me, or does 7,500 seem like an awful lot of people? I mean, the difference between 7,500 potential dates and 11,000 potential dates, when we're talking about ONE INDIVIDUAL WOMAN who can never possibly date them all - well, it seems negligible, right? If she'd cycled through all 7,500 already and found no likely matches, I'd be more sympathetic to her argument. "Yes," I'd say, "I do think you should go to New York, because now that you've dated every available man in this area, you clearly need new hunting grounds." However, I know for a fact that she has NOT dated every available man in this area, so I am disinclined to side with her on this one.

So basically, I might need to find a new place to live soon, and it's all because my housemate sucks at math. I think there's a lesson there for the youth of America.


tpiglette said...


That's all I have say. :-P

unmitigated me said...

I'm sure there are MILLIONS of single men in China. Just sayin.'

Also? Word verification is "evick" as in eviction. I'd start looking if I were you.

bernthis said...

Tell her that in L.A there r even less available men so perhaps she should move there

BetteJo said...

I'd have a hard time moving for a man I already have - much less for a "potential" man. Yikes!

flutter said...

ohhhh man.

Lisa said...

Seriously? All I have to say is she got all of this on FACEBOOK.

Still Jill B said...

Aww, that just makes me sad for her. I've had roommates who were OBSESSED with finding a man, and in-between the crazy, they just made me wish for them to be happy with themselves. And maybe to find a man with similar proclivities.

Mrs. Chili said...


That's hysterical. You can't make this shit up, can you?

dawn said...

WTF? Maybe there is a reason she is still single.

Nanny Goats In Panties said...

I'm stuck on the New York figures. That sounds WAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY too small.

Natalie said...

Wow. Math is hard - let's move to New York!

I feel bad for both of you. I hope she actually LIKES New York. She does realize that it's a different place than the Bay Area and attracts a different sort of person, right?