Sunday, June 03, 2007

Sunday Google-age - Now with COMMENTS!

I don't know if anyone else around here has noticed, but the river of comments has slowed to a trickle. And let's be honest, the "river" never had that high of a water level to begin with. But seriously, in case you've forgotten, I tend to feel unloved if I don't get regular attention from you, my beautiful readers. So I'm just putting out a reminder that you can feel free to comment down at the bottom there. Just tell me which search was your favorite, or a funny search you've gotten lately, or your thoughts on Lindsay Lohan. Anything at all, just say something.

My insecurity thanks you.

Easy Answers

ophelia ostrich - These folks can probably find her for us.

clothes swap party how - Throw party. Bring clothes. Swap clothes. The end.

vonnegut story a deer in the works - "A Deer in the Works" is included in Welcome to the Monkey House, by Kurt Vonnegut, published 1968.

epicac "15-8" - "EPICAC" is another Kurt Vonnegut story from Monkey House. In the story, "15-8" is how the computer says "Oh."

moms teach - Yes, they do.

drawing of a waiter holding a tray - Here you go!

How to give myself a pedicture - Paint your toenails.

lilit in stereo - Read her here.

dating blogs - Dating 4.0 is a good one.

friends with benefits sayings - Giggity giggity.

personal narrative about my dad - Well, there's one about my dad here.

i don't get enough sleep at night - Try sleeping more.

There's a musty smell when I sneeze - That's disgusting and warrants a trip to the doctor.

another word for sexy, classy and divine is - Lara.

cute doggie pictures - Can be found in this post.

sick of being a virgin - Fortunately, you can fix that.

who better than ostrich poo? - No one, really.

how daughters feel when mom hurts them - Bad.

pictures of me in my stripper shoes - Can be found here.

How the Hell Should I Know?

why didn't mr. rochester get divorced? - It was the 1840's! Divorce was not so popular at the time. Plus, I'm pretty sure we're supposed to believe that he cared too much to do that to her. Not that locking her in the attic was all that much nicer, though.

what it means to have a dream someone hugs me around his arm - The construction of this sentence really confuses me. Still, I can't answer this without a lot more information. Like, who is the "someone"? That changes a lot. I mean, if it's Satan, that's very different from, say, your husband. At least, I hope so.

where education all began - Public education began with Horace Mann, but education in general? I'm sure way back when there were two single-celled amoeba sitting around and one of them taught the other something and it all just fell into place after that.

top 5 smart ass comments for a stubbed toe - Wow, not just one, but five? That's tough. I need audience participation for this one...

starbucks sick policy - I realize I'm a bit of a junkie, and I do spend a fair amount of time in Starbucks. But really, I've never actually worked there. It just seems that way sometimes.

how to break away from bad mother daughter relationships - Fortunately for me, I've never had a bad mother-daughter relationship, so I'm not really sure how best to break away from them. I'd suggest a lot of open communication. Preferably over a shared bowl of brownie batter. Brownie batter makes everything better.

thirteen solutions - I'd really have to know the problem before I can offer solutions.

how to give a boy a good handy - Okay, I've never heard the term "handy" before, but guessing what you mean, I'll just say that this is sooooo not the forum for something like that.

Cyndi Lauper sexual preference - Um, no. I have no idea.

is it normal for Boxers dogs to "whine all the time"? - I've never had a dog in my life, let alone this particular breed. I think, however, that it's not normal for any kind of dog to whine all the time. Have you tried not beating it?

"who am I" "am I normal" "Am i competent" - To which I repeat: How the hell should I know?

Poems, Poems, and More Poems

poetry, time flies -
Time flies like an arrow
Fruit flies like a banana.
I once went flying
With a girl named Hannah.

poem for a sister's sweet 16 -
Roses are red
Violets are blue
Sixteen is sweet
So don't f*ck it up by doing something stupid.

poetry on 1st steps of life -
Little one, so sweet and mild
You'll soon no longer be a child.
Already can I see you try
To hurry these small moments by.
You're slowly learning how to walk
And I can only stare in shock.
As time goes on, you'll be more stable;
For now, beware the coffee table.

i've been waiting for you now i give up poems -
I've been waiting here for hours
Watching birds and smelling flowers.
You used to be so strong and steady
I thought that you'd be here already.
This bench is feeling sad and lonely
I watch the road and sigh, "If only..."
We've lost the magic that was us -
I guess I'll take a different bus.

Poem about friend drying my tears -
When I cried, you were there
Lending me strength,
Like an extra-large dosage of Midol.
But I swear on our friendship,
I'll punch your fat face
If you ever again touch my eyeball.

Lucky in life poems -
Some people are lucky.
Others are not.
That's life.
[That was a contemporary poem, for those unfamiliar.]

mediocre teachers poem -
Teaching's a difficult job,
With oodles and oodles of stress,
But teachers continue to care,
Even when things are a mess,
Except for those jackass instructors
Who really just couldn't care less.

Keep Pushing + poem -
The baby wants out!
Push it on through!
I promise you, lady,
The sooner you do,
The sooner we'll have
Some painkillers for you!

thank you dance teacher poem from child -
danceing is fun
thank yu for teeching
i lurned a lot
and i lik to go beaching

poem/saying about fake love -
When he says, "I love you,"
Ask yourself this:
Did he only say this
After a kiss?
If the answer is yes,
He might be a faker;
If the answer is no,
He's still faking, but he's better at it.

haiku about freshman year high school -
Freshman year is rough
Don't let them catch you crying -
That's what beer is for.

a moms poem for her daughter leaving for college -
Eighteen years is not much time
To spend with you, my baby mine.
But time has come, and that is that,
So hit the road, you snotty brat.


Anonymous said...

I'm going to be--I'm not sure what the right word is: mean? cruel? frank? appalling?--in this comment. Feel free to remove it or scold me for being insensitive or whatever.

I've purposely not commented since I read your Memetastic post. In the beginning of the post, you suggest one method of boosting your votes for the blogging contest you're competing in. I can't decide whether you're joking. I also can't decide if cheating in pursuing these online contests is bad or simply meaningless. I'm probably being a ninny about it.

I believe that if one really wants to do something, then it's only worth doing it right. And I also believe that we should each try, in our own little way, to be good examples for each other.

Perhaps your other dedicated readers would be kind enough to lombast me if I'm way off base here to help me clear up my moral confusion.

Anonymous said...

Your poems are hilarious! "For now, beware the coffee table"


Still Jill B said...

Not only am I commenting, I'm letting you know I thought about you this week, as referenced here:

Still Jill B said...

Of course, that woulda been better if I'd have posted the link all the way, huh? Can by found here:

Lara said...

ophelia - a proper reply to this will probably merit its own post. for now? you take things way too seriously.

Major Bedhead said...

Hey, I wanted to comment on something but you'd shut the comments off on a couple of posts. Because in amongst all those flower? There were artichokes. Are those flowers? I don't know. I know they're tasty. And expensive. And they may very well BE flowers, for all I know, but could I ask you then? No, I could not. So, nyah.

Teacha said...

ophelia really does take things tooo seriously. I thought you were funny, Lara!

OMG, it was too hilarious this week! its amazing how you come up with this stuff. that google stuff is too funny!

p.s. I was laughing soo hard, I forgot about my cookies and burned them. LOL.

Anonymous said...

The use of scare quotes in the question

Is it normal for Boxers dogs to "whine all the time"?

reminds me of some restaurants that kind of freak me out via scare quotes. Like the Thai place with a sign that says:

We now serve "brown rice"

WTF are you serving me and calling rice?

Anonymous said...

Oh, so you were kidding. That's a relief.

Yeah, I do take things too seriously sometimes. It's a confusing world.

Anonymous said...

Let me know when you publish "Lara's Guide to being Snarky" so I can write a review for it on Amazon.

Anonymous said...

Ophelia?? Of course you're being a Ninny and of course Lara was kidding! It's Cyberspace, already! Sheesh!! Turn your sensors down a notch!!

CaliforniaTeacherGuy said...

You begged for comments and you got 'em. "Ask, and it shall be given." Hah!

shelleycoughlin said...

I had a googleage the other day that said, "I'd like a chat with Gerard Depardieu".

Really, wouldn't we all?

Teacher Anonymous said...

blogspot lara teacher san diego

I think they might have been looking for you, but seem to be confused on your physical location.

tpiglette said...

This is totally unrelated to the post, but I just noticed that you have a label category called "Reptiles." Hahahaha...

...I mean--*ahem*--I'm sure Ramon is glad you take him seriously.

jittacatgirl said...

oh jesus. you and your shameless plus for attention. i just put on skimpy clothes and dance around. much more dignified.

Trina said...

Lovely Poems... hahahaha, some good stuff in there :)

Wolf Lover Girl said...

"cute doggie pictures" - and I have to agree that was the best story line that I've read... okay maybe the unfortunate death of a lizard was pretty funny too! As always you just crack me up.

Maybe I'll vote for ya! ;-)
Sorry, I had to put it in there.

~ Wolf Lover Girl

Anonymous said...

You are correct. I have neglected you and your commentary area.

Did you see the clip of Paris Hilton at the MTV awards? I actually almost felt sorry for her.

OK, so there was no Lindsay Lohan in this comment, but I managed to touch on Paris Hilton. MIssion accomplished. Commentary made.

Lady M said...

I haven't examined my Google-age in a while. I'm probably still getting hits from that one post on My Super Sweet Sixteen. But none as fun as yours!

Lara said...

tali - the poems were totally fun to write. i was laughing out loud. i figure if i can crack myself up then at least someone's getting something out of it. :-P

jill b - oh, that is just awesome. you sweet thing, you!

major bedhead - that was only ONE post! and anyway, i have no reason to believe artichokes are flowers, but green flowers are hard to come by, so i made do with what i had.

proverbs - i'm sorry to hear about your cookies, but i'm glad you were amused by my post!

kevin - i swear, i see so many searches with quotes in random places. i recently had this one: one fine day "sung by many different people". what does that mean?

christina - to go ahead and reply with a snarky comment, i'm not sure i'd want you reviewing the book, since you tend to take some of the things i say too seriously for anyone's good. ;)

r u serious? - thanks for the support, but let's not get mean or anything... :)

CTG - it's true. i'm almost ashamed now. almost.

nancy pearl wannabe - do you talk about gerard depardieu often in your blog?

teacher anonymous - some people are so silly. maybe they think we're actually one person with two blogs. that would be interesting...

tpiglette - yeah, i figured they have enough posts by now to merit their own category. plus? i foresee more in the future. ;)

jitta - hey, to each her own. you do your thing, and i'll do mine.

trina - why thanks, kid. i had fun with it at least!

wolf lover girl - yes, reptiles and doggies. i've totally found my writer's niche. oh, and thanks for the vote. ;)

betsy - no, i actually didn't see it. but thanks for informing me, 'cause now i'm going to go look it up. :-P

lady m - i bet you've got some good google-age in there. you just need to start compiling a list of the good ones, and ignoring the bad ones, and eventually you'll have enough for weekly check-ins, just like i do. ;)

Anonymous said...

Whoa, there. That's Ophelia who takes things too seriously, not me. (Don't even think about adverbial placement when Ophelia's around: she might sense your brain waves.) I never take things seriously. Oh, except for your suggestion that I take things too seriously.

Anonymous said...


I love getting comments too, but since I get so few, I might be leaving here and going back to my roots at http:/

I'll come back to read your posts but I probably won't post here anymore. Take care...

Just so you know, I Heart You!! Bye!!!

Anonymous said...

Oh! And I think Ophelia is a species of King Crab in the Bering Sea! The tasty ones!!!

MC said...

Hey, thanks for the shout-out! Really interesting blog.