Sunday Google-age - Now with COMMENTS!

I don't know if anyone else around here has noticed, but the river of comments has slowed to a trickle. And let's be honest, the "river" never had that high of a water level to begin with. But seriously, in case you've forgotten, I tend to feel unloved if I don't get regular attention from you, my beautiful readers. So I'm just putting out a reminder that you can feel free to comment down at the bottom there. Just tell me which search was your favorite, or a funny search you've gotten lately, or your thoughts on Lindsay Lohan. Anything at all, just say something.

My insecurity thanks you.


Easy Answers

ophelia ostrich - These folks can probably find her for us.

clothes swap party how - Throw party. Bring clothes. Swap clothes. The end.

vonnegut story a deer in the works - "A Deer in the Works" is included in Welcome to the Monkey House, by Kurt Vonnegut, published 1968.

epicac "15-8" - "EPICAC" is another Kurt Vonnegut story from Monkey House. In the story, "15-8" is how the computer says "Oh."

moms teach - Yes, they do.

drawing of a waiter holding a tray - Here you go!

How to give myself a pedicture - Paint your toenails.

lilit in stereo - Read her here.

dating blogs - Dating 4.0 is a good one.

friends with benefits sayings - Giggity giggity.

personal narrative about my dad - Well, there's one about my dad here.

i don't get enough sleep at night - Try sleeping more.

There's a musty smell when I sneeze - That's disgusting and warrants a trip to the doctor.

another word for sexy, classy and divine is - Lara.

cute doggie pictures - Can be found in this post.

sick of being a virgin - Fortunately, you can fix that.

who better than ostrich poo? - No one, really.

how daughters feel when mom hurts them - Bad.

pictures of me in my stripper shoes - Can be found here.


How the Hell Should I Know?

why didn't mr. rochester get divorced? - It was the 1840's! Divorce was not so popular at the time. Plus, I'm pretty sure we're supposed to believe that he cared too much to do that to her. Not that locking her in the attic was all that much nicer, though.

what it means to have a dream someone hugs me around his arm - The construction of this sentence really confuses me. Still, I can't answer this without a lot more information. Like, who is the "someone"? That changes a lot. I mean, if it's Satan, that's very different from, say, your husband. At least, I hope so.

where education all began - Public education began with Horace Mann, but education in general? I'm sure way back when there were two single-celled amoeba sitting around and one of them taught the other something and it all just fell into place after that.

top 5 smart ass comments for a stubbed toe - Wow, not just one, but five? That's tough. I need audience participation for this one...

starbucks sick policy - I realize I'm a bit of a junkie, and I do spend a fair amount of time in Starbucks. But really, I've never actually worked there. It just seems that way sometimes.

how to break away from bad mother daughter relationships - Fortunately for me, I've never had a bad mother-daughter relationship, so I'm not really sure how best to break away from them. I'd suggest a lot of open communication. Preferably over a shared bowl of brownie batter. Brownie batter makes everything better.

thirteen solutions - I'd really have to know the problem before I can offer solutions.

how to give a boy a good handy - Okay, I've never heard the term "handy" before, but guessing what you mean, I'll just say that this is sooooo not the forum for something like that.

Cyndi Lauper sexual preference - Um, no. I have no idea.

is it normal for Boxers dogs to "whine all the time"? - I've never had a dog in my life, let alone this particular breed. I think, however, that it's not normal for any kind of dog to whine all the time. Have you tried not beating it?

"who am I" "am I normal" "Am i competent" - To which I repeat: How the hell should I know?


Poems, Poems, and More Poems

poetry, time flies -
Time flies like an arrow
Fruit flies like a banana.
I once went flying
With a girl named Hannah.

poem for a sister's sweet 16 -
Roses are red
Violets are blue
Sixteen is sweet
So don't f*ck it up by doing something stupid.

poetry on 1st steps of life -
Little one, so sweet and mild
You'll soon no longer be a child.
Already can I see you try
To hurry these small moments by.
You're slowly learning how to walk
And I can only stare in shock.
As time goes on, you'll be more stable;
For now, beware the coffee table.

i've been waiting for you now i give up poems -
I've been waiting here for hours
Watching birds and smelling flowers.
You used to be so strong and steady
I thought that you'd be here already.
This bench is feeling sad and lonely
I watch the road and sigh, "If only..."
We've lost the magic that was us -
I guess I'll take a different bus.

Poem about friend drying my tears -
When I cried, you were there
Lending me strength,
Like an extra-large dosage of Midol.
But I swear on our friendship,
I'll punch your fat face
If you ever again touch my eyeball.

Lucky in life poems -
Some people are lucky.
Others are not.
That's life.
[That was a contemporary poem, for those unfamiliar.]

mediocre teachers poem -
Teaching's a difficult job,
With oodles and oodles of stress,
But teachers continue to care,
Even when things are a mess,
Except for those jackass instructors
Who really just couldn't care less.

Keep Pushing + poem -
The baby wants out!
Push it on through!
I promise you, lady,
The sooner you do,
The sooner we'll have
Some painkillers for you!

thank you dance teacher poem from child -
danceing is fun
thank yu for teeching
i lurned a lot
and i lik to go beaching

poem/saying about fake love -
When he says, "I love you,"
Ask yourself this:
Did he only say this
After a kiss?
If the answer is yes,
He might be a faker;
If the answer is no,
He's still faking, but he's better at it.

haiku about freshman year high school -
Freshman year is rough
Don't let them catch you crying -
That's what beer is for.

a moms poem for her daughter leaving for college -
Eighteen years is not much time
To spend with you, my baby mine.
But time has come, and that is that,
So hit the road, you snotty brat.