1. "Stuff, and Where the F*ck Did I Leave It?" - This was designed as a practical post, wherein I list all the stuff I currently can't find, and whinge about the fact that I can't find it. Idea was ditched when I realized the list would be about a mile long and no one wants to read that crap.
"So long, sucker!"2. "Best in Breakups" - After talking to Seeser about her recent breakup, and her ex's inability to move out without stealing a bunch of her stuff, I considered writing about how lucky I was to have a fairly cordial split with J. Then, while thinking of the cordiality of our split, I began to cry, and thus the post went the way of the relationship: into the trash.
3. "The Kindness of Strangers" - This would've been a wonderful post, where I praise a complete stranger for giving me a passing compliment and completely making my day last week. But then I met about four thousand other complete strangers who proved to me that humanity is exactly as I always suspected: soulless and mercenary.
4. "I Am Not a Stalker" - Wherein I try to explain to aforementioned bastard strangers that I'm not trying to steal their non-existant souls with my camera lens, I'm just trying to get a picture of that rose behind them, so will they get out of the God-damned way already?!
5. "Survivor: Kitty Island" - An Aussie-Boy-inspired post, complete with videos monitoring the progress of our latest home entertainment. Will Nora eat Tenny, or can his quick movements tire her fat-ass out before she gets him?
6. "Oops, There Goes Another Inane Comment" - I feel like all my comments lately have been the most trite and useless crap ever. "Oh, your child is so adorable!" "Oh, I'm so sorry you had to go through that!" "Oh, I know exactly what you mean about _______!" Seriously, could my comments be any more lame? I think maybe I should just stop commenting altogether and spare people my inane word vomit.
7. "Me? A Sore Loser? Never." - Poor Aussie Boy had to encounter Sore-Loser Lara for the first time Saturday night, and he did remarkably well with it. What can I say? I'm a competitive person, and it comes out sometimes when you least expect it.
8. "I Refuse to Cry Over You" - A touching post where I begin to wax nostalgic over the impending loss of my students, only to be reminded why I can barely tolerate them when I find them throwing melted Twinkies across the room at each other while screaming, "We need reinforcements! Send more troops to cover our flank!"
9. "What Do You Mean, I Can't Graduate?" - Wherein I try to kick my own ass into gear with the realization that I'm supposed to graduate in a month and I've done pretty much no schoolwork in over a week. Whoops!
10. "There's No Such Thing as a Sanity Clause" - I think I might be crazy: I'm considering taking a job that would be 11 hours a day, 5 days a week, being a full-time caregiver for twin three-year-old boys. I'm sorry... WHAT?!
11. "BlogHer: Be There or Be... at a Wedding" - This was going to be my lament about having to miss out on the fabulousness that is BlogHer and all the opportunities to meet my favorite bloggers. But I realized I couldn't write it in a way that didn't make me sound like a whiny, ungrateful bitch, since the reason I'm missing it is to be a bridesmaid for Teeny-Weeny, and her wedding is way more important to me anyhow.
12. "Giving In To Spandex Temptations" - It's not as bad as you think, really. I went a little crazy at DiscountDance.com, buying four new leotards, two body tights, a jazz unitard with gaucho pants, and a new pair of ballet slippers. Yeah, that's about $200 worth of temptation, for those keeping score.
13. "Why Aussies Are Incapable of Coming Up With 13 List Items" - This would be purely for the purpose of mocking Aussie Boy so that he doesn't get too smug up there on his pedestal. (A pedestal on which YOU all placed him with your adoring comments, btw.) I might still write this post someday...
Still interested in seeing any of those? I might could be persuaded...
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