Sunday, May 20, 2007

Sunday Google-age: The Return

That's right - after almost a month away, Sunday Google-age is back. I know you were all desperate to read more about the crazy searches people make that somehow lead them here, to my little world. So, onwards and upwards!

lip injuries in toddlers – To be avoided if at all possible. I have a scar on the corner of my mouth from when I was a toddler. Apparently, I ran into the corner of my grandmother’s coffee table and split my lip. Ouch.

study on unreasonable work expectations – May I recommend my university program for such a study? I think it’d be a great place to start.

Thursday Thirteen Writing tips – Well, there would be different tips depending on the type of TT you want to be writing. My number one tip: Make sure your list actually has thirteen items.

craving someone – Sounds like a dangerous first step towards cannibalism if you ask me.

Lightness and darkness, sadness and joy – Ooh, it’s the opposites game! Um, goodness and evil? Wet and dry? Me and Aussie Boy?

rational for becoming a teacher – Actually, I think it’s often quite irrational to become a teacher. There’s nothing “rational” about it.

get enough sleep – I’m trying, really! How much sleep do you get, Mr. Judgmental?

inappropriate topics of conversation – See next search.

granny banging – See previous search.

sunshine come out wherever you areShe did come out! In fact, she commented earlier today. She takes breaks sometimes, but generally, she’s around.

turtle in the tub jokes – Knock, knock. (Who’s there?) Turtle in the tub. (Turtle in the tub who?) Turtle in the tub with some kind of punchline that apparently adds up to a joke. Ta da!

Monday Night Football theme song mp3 – Yep, I have this, and no, you can’t have it.

laugh at yourself before the others get the chance – Or just try not to do anything that merits being laughed at. If you figure out how to do that, please tell me.

perpetual period – That sounds pretty much awful. Go see a doctor and get that checked out, will ya?

great t-shirt ideas for education – One of my students has a shirt that says, “Grammar is, like, so hot.” I’m also a fan of both this one and this one.

crush "sister's best friend" – Yeah, that’s not a problem at all. One bad breakup and you’re all headed for awkward city. I hope you’re at least of an appropriate age for this friend – cradle-robbing is generally frowned upon.

I WISH i HAD A HIPPO SONG – You can’t always get what you want, but if you try sometimes, you might find you get what you need. Let’s just hope it turns out you need a hippo song.

ongoing to do list – I have one of these right now. Things don’t get checked off the list, they just get replaced by new deadlines. It’s quite depressing.

points in how to make the audience laugh in a school – Pick a victim and make him/her the butt of all your jokes. He/She might hate you, but it’s worth it for the adoration of the general masses.

i shot myself – Sounds painful. I did that once, when I was five. Hand hurt like hell for weeks, and I still have some flecks of powder in there even now.

how to stop high pitched screaming in toddlers – Repeated floggings? Duct tape? One of those shock collars they make for dogs who bark too much?

how to stop mental distractions – Well, brain surgery’s an option, but it can get a bit expensive. I recommend drowning out distractions with music or brainless TV.

daughter's first piercing – Shouldn’t happen until she’s at least sentient about it. I agree with Kristen on this one – baby ear piercings are strange.

this teaches me a lesson – Is it a lesson about unclear antecedents?

Nope, None of Those Here

joey harrington jeans (But that would be nice, huh?)

ostrich sayings (Sometimes ostriches visit here, but they leave no sayings.)

cool memes (Nope, only dorky ones.)

20-something single virgin (Ahem.)

handy sexy tips (I’m not even sure what those might be.)

whisker rash (No, Aussie Boy’s clean-shaven.)

amanda isms (But I do have some Lara-isms.)

toesox OR "toe socks" OR "toe sox" fetish feet toes sexy porn (Wow. Intense.)

petite vanilla scones (Try Starbucks for those.)

dogs eating trash (Just cats dragging trash.)

tips on making advances to a lady you intend to date (Maybe Aussie Boy has some suggestions.)

sexy adult pictures (There are no “adult” pictures anywhere on this site.)

pics of my little sister naked (I sincerely hope none of these even exist.)

boob cupping (No, though we did come close.)

Yep, We Got Those

moment of insight (It was about cats, though.)

"authoritative teachers" (I’m one of these.)

lara (Yes?)

friendship type like siblings (OP is like my big brother.)

cute teacher shoes (Of course!)

life changing personal narratives (It was for me.)

Female TILF pictures (All pictures of me are female TILF pictures.)

physical insecurities (They’re totally getting better, but they’re still there a little bit.)

ponderable questions (Check this post for some good ones.)

the lurkers (Yes, I know you’re all there. I could call some of you out even: Kevin, Balee, Seeser… come on – who else is lurking?)

warning blondes thinking (And thinking hard, too.)

Q & A

delightfully tacky yet unrefined what does it mean? - It means skanky girls in low-cut tops and bright orange shorts serving the most amazing buffalo wings known to man.

students are too pampered. is it true? - Sadly, yes. At least, for the kids in my school. But somehow, they still whine all the time.

why do people lick oreos? - I have no effing clue. Personally, I think it's totally weird.

"Is it Monday yet?" - Nope, still Sunday. Unless you're reading from Australia...

who's the berries and cream guy? - This guy.

what's the origin of the saying "another day, another dollar"? - Beats me. Wikipedia doesn't seem to know either. Any readers know?

male pedicure what's involved? - Um, the same things involved in a female pedicure. Except maybe not the bright pink polish.

should i feel bad about cutting ties with my mother? - I guess that depends on whose ties you're cutting. My dad had som pretty ugly ties that I sort of wish my mom and I *had* cut.

And, leaving us with a deep thought for the day:

I can't promise perfection because we're us and i'm me and who knows what will happen - Good point. Thanks for the insight.



Sandra said...

Look she came out twice in one day.

Love your Sunday Google-age Lara :)

Anonymous said...

*beep beep*

Just passing through, as I'm late. But better late than never, as my ostrich friends say.

Still Jill B said...

The extent of your google-age always amazes me, on so many levels.

Major Bedhead said...

I love the haiku t-shirt. I covet one that says "Bad grammar makes me [sic]."

Anonymous said...

I'm also a big fan of the haiku T-shirt. And since I've been out of town (and internet) for a bit I'll comment here that I loved reading your letter to your students, and I liked how you added in the pictures throughout.

Haven't seen you for a while... photoshoot soon I hope?

Anonymous said...

Two turtles are in a bath tub. The homeowner walks in and says, "Hey, what are you doing in my tub?" The first turtle looks at the second and replies: "Well --"

Actually, one sec; I messed the joke up a bit. Let me look it up on the interweb.

[Retreats into shell. Comes back out a moment later.]

Nuts. My network connection is down.

Aussie Boy said...

Some points:
- Thursday thirteens with only 9 or 10 points still have more points than the Lara "Thursday zero". (So ner.)
- I so hope you're the one representing "good" in the opposites game.
- A post containing the phrase "granny banging" and plays on the word "grammar" is just asking for trouble.
- That is all. I have nothing.

CaliforniaTeacherGuy said...

About that "perpetual period." Did you know there's a story in the Bible about that? Check it out: Mark 5:25-34.

Dallas Blue said...


you are one searched girl!

wait. that came out wrong.


great googleage!

Lara said...

sandra - the shock! the shock! it's too much for me! twice in one day? i'm beyond honored. :)

ophelia - ooh, an ostrich saying! thanks!

jill b - yeah, it's pretty amazing to me too. and a bit frightening...

major bedhead - that's hilarious! where can i find that shirt?

tali - yes! must have photoshoot soon. what are your memorial day plans?

myrtle - well, it was a nice try to give me a turtle/bathtub joke. thanks much for the effort.

aussie boy - first, that's true. second, i wasn't remarking that we represent good and evil so much as opposites. we could both be evil and still be opposite in other ways. third, that's also true.

CTG - i did not know that, but now i do. thanks for the info!

sassy - people are always looking for more lara. or amish sluts. or granny banging. whatever.

Wolf Lover Girl said...

My fav:
how to stop high pitched screaming in toddlers – Repeated floggings? Duct tape? One of those shock collars they make for dogs who bark too much?

You're too much! :-)

~ Wolf Lover Girl

Lara said...

wolf lover girl - it's true, i am too much. but sometimes, totally not enough. and every so often, i'm juuuuuust right. ;)

Anonymous said...

My favorite grammar (I just wrote garmmar) t-shirt is "bad grammar makes me [sic]". My husband doesn't think it's funny. But I am a big nerd, so I do.

Dani said...

LOVE the shirts!!!