Wednesday, April 04, 2007

Sorry in Advance to Male Readers

Posted by Lara at 8:14 PM
Last summer, I started taking birth control pills. No, not for the common reason - those of you who've been reading for a while might recall that I've yet to take that particular plunge. I started taking it to alleviate the horrible, awful, unbelievably torturous, "Oh, for the love of God, make it STOP!" cramps I used to endure every month. After years of hearing, "Have you considered going on the pill?" from well-meaning friends, I finally went to the doctor and got a prescription. Mostly because one particular friend got with the tough love and informed me that I would make a doctor's appointment because there was absolutely no reason for me to endure a Spanish Inquisition dungeon o' pain in my uterus every month.

Since then, I have become convinced that the pill is a tiny drop of magic sprinkled with fairy dust and a little bit of cocaine, because it works WONDERS on my cramps. By which I mean, "What cramps?" Most months I can go completely sans Advil, and the cramps I do still have are pretty mild and, all in all, quite bearable. And then there are some other pleasant effects, like the fact that my cycle - which was always on the regular side - is now pretty much set to the hour. Every four weeks, Wednesday afternoon. I know you all wanted to know that.

However, today, I realized one of the negative aspects here. See, like I said, my cycle was always fairly regular. But honestly, I never paid too much attention to predicting and preparing for when I would start. Why? Because I had this terrific fanfare of gut-wrenching cramps to let me know, like a little caged monster in my tummy, clawing its way out from the inside, saying, "Hey, time for a tampon!" But now, even though I know, every fourth Wednesday afternoon, that I need to be ready, I sort of miss the heads-up warnings, because they made things a lot easier for little old forgetful me. Last night, as I lay in bed, I told myself, "Hey, Self, remember to pack supplies for tomorrow when you wake up!" And when I woke up? That's right, the thought never crossed my groggy mind.

So then, this afternoon, right before my supervisory meeting, I went to the bathroom and...

Oh. Right. Damn.

Fortunately, there were a lot of friendly females around, and one of them was willing to share her own supplies with me.

Maybe I need to write these things down or something. I'm sure no one would think it was odd to see me walking around with, "Hey, PERIOD is coming!" or "Remember TAMPONS!" scrawled on my hand. I'm already pretty odd, so they're probably used to it.

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On an unrelated note, you guys crack me up. I really honestly didn't expect you guys to try for 30 right then. I just meant someday. And I still say that someday, when I get there, I'll totally do (and film! and post!) the happy dance for you all. Until then, can I just say I love knowing you all are there and care so much about seeing me make an ass of myself on YouTube. It warms my heart. Or gives me heartburn. It's hard to tell sometimes.

11 comments:

jittacatgirl on 9:44 PM said...

no no no. the magic pill(s) are the ones i take so's i don't beat people over the head with the shovel i keep in the back seat of my car.

alyndabear on 1:40 AM said...

Dude! You were only 2 away from the happy dance.. can I go cheat now? ;)

I'm on the pill for that same reason, except lately? It's er, MIA. Eep.

Aimee on 7:30 AM said...

I've been on the pill forever, because I'm so irregular. I switched pills this last month and now I'm on perpetual period. HATE.

Glad yours are working better. :) And that we now have a forum for tampons and post-its. They totally go together. lol

julia on 8:07 AM said...

I can't take the pill because it turns me into a raging bitch. Or rather, more of a raging bitch than usual. However, one of the benefits of breastfeeding - no periods. I haven't had my period in...um...18 months. It's been fataaaaastic.

And dood, put some tampons in a little plastic baggy and leave it in your handbag or car or back pack. Easy peasey.

julia on 8:09 AM said...

and I can't believe I just shared all that information with the whole of the internets.

Jill B on 11:32 AM said...

Julia is right to mention the plastic baggie b/c my way can get a little, uhh, embarrassing.

My way means there are USUALLY supplies in my bag/purse - which I change around pretty frequently (henc the USUALLY part). Current bag - same compartment as the ipod, which is tangled up with headphones, which, when pulled out, may send a tampon shooting across the room. Ehhh, "where did THAT come from?"

Jill B on 11:34 AM said...

p.s. My heart DROPPED when I posted that - I can't imagine it only being 11:32 a.m. again. What a long day!
1 hour, 56 minutes to go as far as I'm concerned.

ffbgirl on 1:59 PM said...

Man your pills sound better than any I had back in my pill days!

I have found a secret stash of supplies in the depths of my backpack and another one in my desk saves me from having to write "Period Coming" on my hand...

The only time the stash in the backpack becomes a problem is at the airport when they ALWAYS search my bag (I think the diabetes supplies look suspicious)... Of course they pull out a large green square of maxi pad and look confused... I love when my supplies get shown to a busy airport!

Jane on 8:43 PM said...

We have been trying to get pg for two years now and I can not tell you how much I miss the pill! No cramps and for me no acne too! It truly is a wonder drug!

bob the male said...

I definitely have nothing to add to this conversation. Just thought I'd let you know.

Lara on 3:00 AM said...

jitta - oh, right. there are many magic pills. some of us take multiple varieties...

aly - surprisingly, cheating wasn't needed. (darn me and my promises.) and what's been MIA? your pill? or your period? 'cause one of those is much scarier than the other...

aimee - perpetual period?! that's like some sort of medieval torture or something. i'm glad i could provide the blogosphere with a much-needed "tampons and post-its" chat space. let the discussions begin!

julia - you know, i think having the cramps go away is nice enough that i'd be willing to be a raging bitch for it. i'm not sure how many friends i'd have, though... but yay for no periods while breastfeeding! that's a cool side effect. and yes, i know i should be better prepared, but i just sometimes forget!

p.s. the whole of the internets also can't believe you shared that, but they're all glad. :)

jill b - oh my gosh! something very much like that happened to me my freshman year. i had a tampon in my coat pocket, and i pulled out my keys from the same pocket, and it flew to the floor. i was standing talking with a guy i really liked at the time, and before he could even register what it was, he bent over to get it for me. he handed it back to me and we were both pretty embarassed about it. i think i ran away as fast as i could, probably with my face beet red. yikes!

ffbgirl - yeah, you'd think they'd figure it out by now, right? i mean, they must search tons of purses and bags - have they NEVER seen feminine hygiene products before? weird.

jane - boo! that stinks. i hope you guys get pregnant soon! (that sounded more normal in my head.)

bob - hey, but thanks for being brave enough to say even that much. i expected more males to step up and say *something* at least. i suppose i've underestimated most of them.

 

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