In Dreams He Came...

My sleep for the past few weeks has not always been completely restful. There is much on my mind - of course - as I go through my days. But there are some things I feel it is best to push aside and forget... as much as possible, that is. And normally, I do a pretty good job. It hurts to think about it? Well, then I just won't. I'll pretend it's not there, and eventually it won't be, right?

But that all takes a lot of effort, and when I sleep, there is no protection. When I sleep, all those feelings and thoughts and memories that I try so hard to push away during the day come creeping back and take hold of my dreams. I find myself trapped in my own head, unable to turn away from what I feel, unable to wake up, unable to stop the flood of emotion I try so hard to stem during the day. And when I finally do wake up, I'm left with the ever more difficult task of trying to push it all back out.

I'm dreaming of things that cannot happen - of people I can never see again, voices I can never hear, words I can never say. But every time I wake up, I wish more and more that that weren't true, and I feel more and more hopeless when I realize it is.

Every time I sleep it tears me up a little more. I just want to sleep in complete emptiness for once, without the ghosts of my past and the shards of my heart getting in the way.

She never slows down
She doesn't know why but she knows that when she's all alone
She feels like it's all coming down.

She wants to be found.
The only way out is through everything she's running from
She wants to give up and lie down.

How do I stop it? How do I make myself forget? How do I make myself move on and stop hurting?

Please help me, because I could really use some sleep.