Wednesday, July 22, 2009

The 500th Post Deserves a Better Title Than This

I decided that I really ought to put up the obligatory introduction post before I leave for BlogHer. You know, just in case I meet someone who - by some magical stroke of luck - finds me interesting enough to visit my blog. Upon that first visit, wouldn't it be nice to see something other than weep-inducing photos of African children? Something that says, "Hi, I'm Lara and this is what I'm about"?

(Actually, I'm not sure the weep-inducing photos of African children are an inaccurate representation of who I am and what I'm about, at least right now.)

Anyway, I was thinking of how to introduce myself, and then I got to my Blogger dashboard and discovered I had 499 posts, which means this is my 500th post.

I'm sorry, let me say that again:


Apparently, I have found at least 500 things to say over the past three years. No guarantees that it was all interesting, nor that it was all unique - I probably repeated myself at least a few times in there. Still, 500 posts is quite a feat, and I'm not sure when I started this blog a little over three years ago that I would have imagined I'd be here 500 posts later.

(I know, I still haven't actually gotten to the "introducing myself" part of the post, but bear with me. If you found me even remotely interesting in person - enough to visit my interwebby home - I hope you'll give me the benefit of your patience. If I was boring in person, well, why are you here? I promise I'm pretty much equally entertaining in-person and online. Actually, maybe more so in-person because I gesticulate wildly with my hands and you never know when I'll accidentally poke someone's eye out.)

So, who is this "Lara David" person really? Let's see...

I am Lara David. (Damn, I already said that part, huh?)

I recently turned 27. When it happened, I instantly began lamenting my recent segue from "mid 20's" into the "late 20's." (Dun-dun-DUUUUN!)

I am 5'9" - Yes, I'm tall. I also like to wear heels, which makes me even taller. I refer to myself as "freakishly tall." Sometimes people agree, sometimes they don't. To each his own. (Over on the left there? That's me and my sister. Note the height difference.)

I am a high school teacher. (I hear you asking, "What do you teach?") I teach English, dance, and - when the boss makes me - French. That is all to say that I studied a lot of English in school and trained to teach English. I love to dance, and I've been performing vintage dance for a number of years now, so my school asked if I'd like to start a "ballroom" dance class, and I agreed. And they're desperate for French teachers, so when they found out I speak French they twisted my arm until I agreed to teach it, too. I love teaching, and I actually love teaching teenagers. (Most of the time.)

I used to be a nanny, and I loved working with little ones. This is how I made my way as a poser in the mommyblogging world, because I could speak the language of diapers (read: poo explosions) and challenging toddlers (read: atomic-level-tantrum throwers). I miss playing with babies and toddlers, but then I remember that my kids now don't shit themselves on a regular basis, and I decide that it's probably a net win.

I went to Stanford. Twice. You can interpret that to mean I'm REALLY smart (most people do, incorrectly), but you'll find that what it really means is that I'm a REALLY big nerd. If you look at that picture closely, you'll see that I'm holding that diploma upside-down. Oh yeah, I'm real smart.

I'm a Christian. I love Jesus, heart and soul. I don't look down on anyone who doesn't, though. I do, however, look down on short people. Because, you know, I'm tall, as I said earlier.

Earlier today, I was walking upstairs carrying a plate (mahi-mahi and brown rice, leftovers from dinner last night), my purse, and a cheese stick (cheddar - you know you wanted to know). I dropped the cheese stick, but couldn't bend over to pick it up without spilling some of the rice and/or mahi-mahi and/or everything in my purse. So I picked up the cheese stick with my toes (it was in a wrapper, calm down) and got it all the way to my room that way. I am THAT AWESOME.

I think that last one might have been the most important getting-to-know-Lara tidbit. I should have made it first. Alas, hindsight is 20-20, and by now, you either know me a lot better than you did before, or, if you're one of the people reading who already knew me fairly well, either because you've been reading for years or you put up with me in real life, well, then you learned that I picked up a cheese stick with my toes today. Congratulations!

Seriously, though, if you are a new reader, I hope you decide to stick around and keep reading. I'll give you a pink puffy heart sticker if you do!*

Oh, and if you're an old-hat reader, but you've been lurking without commenting, why not choose today as the day you come on out and say hello? Yes, you can have a pink puffy heart sticker, too.*

That's it for me - catch you on the other side of BlogHer '09!

*Note: Pink puffy heart sticker offer is good only while supplies last. And currently there are no supplies, because I have never in my life owned a pink puffy heart sticker. Frankly, I wouldn't even know where to buy one.


Anonymous said...

It is nice to meet you. Happy 500th! I haven't been around for all 500, perhaps the last hundred or so, but clearly I liked what I read and I keep coming back. Have fun at BlogHer.

tali said...

Have fun at BlogHer :-)
(Go me! I commented! Not lurking! Yay!)

Cate S said...

Have a fabulous time, Lara!

Clair said...

Have a blast at BlogHer!

Still Jill B said...

You're a TEACHER, you really ought to have the in on where to acquire stickers, even ones you don't like.

BTW, good post. You're getting your flow back!

Stone Fox said...

I am all for giving my fellow woman (can i say that? fellow woman? oh sure i can, i'm a chick and we can get away with stuff like that) props being smart, and clearly, you are smart. Coming up with something interesting to say once every 2 and one-fourth (or so) days is taxing. I myself only come up with something entertaining about once a week. I come up with boring stupid stuff on an hourly basis to make up for it.

ANYWAYS, my whole point is this (as if you couldn't tell where i was going!): being freakishly tall and having monkey-toes is way cooler than a piece of paper that says you are smarter than me.

mmkay. gonna stop real soon, here. just thought i'd say hi.

BetteJo said...

Okay did I miss the part where you mentioned whether or not that cheese stick was wrapped or not? Ahem. Just askin'

Lara said...

Bette Jo - Yes, you did miss it: "So I picked up the cheese stick with my toes (it was in a wrapper, calm down) and got it all the way to my room that way."

But I love you anyway. :)

tpiglette said...

I'm catching up from the past week! I am not that surprised that you can successfully transport a cheese stick with your toes. I would like to see it, however. Can you reenact this?