There's often a fine line between those two emotions, pride and shame. At the extremes of each, they're clearly distinct, but somewhere in the middle, I think there's an overlap. How many times have you heard people say something like, "I am the clumsiest person you will ever meet. I could trip just standing still!" Or remember those college party days, where some frat guy would loudly exclaim, "Dood, I was so drunk last night, I puked in my bed and didn't even notice until I woke up this morning!" Great accomplishment there, dood.
That's sort of how it's been for me with my work schedule these past few weeks. People ask how I'm doing and I'm quick to announce exactly how many hours I've been working and how late I've been at school on the weekends. I talked before about being a "one-upper" when it comes to complaining, but I'm not actually sure that's what this is. I think I'm just genuinely confused about whether to feel proud or embarrassed about how much I've been working. I embrace it boldly because I don't know what else to do.
I worked 14 hours last Tuesday!
I was on campus until midnight on Saturday AND Sunday!
I'm in my room by 7am every single morning!
And underneath the excited bragging of each of these announcements is the nervous, high-pitched, hysterical laughter of someone who knows that this is the fast track to a nervous breakdown.
Fortunately, if they do end up carting me off to the funny farm, I know I'll be well-dressed.
By the by, for those who may have missed my Twitter announcement, Seeser has finally started a blog of her own! Head on over to stumble survive smile and give her some welcoming comment love. (After you give me some comforting comment love about my impending nervous breakdown, that is.)