Sunday, November 18, 2007

The Google-age Stands Alone

I'm exhausted. I went to bed at my usual hour of 6:00 in the morning, but had to wake up around 11:00 to be somewhere at noon. I know, all the moms out there are laughing at me and/or weeping at their own fates. I'm spoiled, I admit it. I'm trying to enjoy it while I can.

At any rate, I've been out and about all day, and will be going out again at 9:00 to work on some aerials folks. Because of how tired I am, you get a Google-age with a side of nothing - no mini-post up here before getting to the searches. Today, we're jumping right in.

(Of course, one could argue that my brief complaining about exhaustion is, in itself, a mini-post to precede the Google-age, but one would only do that if one were trying to piss me off.)

These Questions Need Answers, Damnit!

who is visiting my facebook? - I don't know. Do you have friends? It might be them. Do you have stalkers? It's more likely them.

why does she feel like she doesn't deserve being with me? - Maybe because you're just so wonderful that she doesn't understand how any woman in the world could possibly be worthy of your attention and affection? The fact that you had to do a Google search for this, however, leads me to believe that's not it.

I'd like to know how you feel... mostly about me, but about other things too. Is it the same? Has anything changed? Do I deserve to know? - No, you don't. [Side note: Who the hell types in such long search terms? This is like half of a conversation right here. Is someone trying to speak to me through the Google-age?]

what to say to a friend asking for help? - How about, "Yes, I'll help you!"

why don't ants walk in straight lines? - Alcohol. Way too much alcohol.

what kind of lover is good for the future and is special and for all life? - One with a sense of humor. Make him/her sit down at the computer and read a Sunday Google-age. If he/she doesn't find it funny, it won't be a good match. Trust me - this is funny shit.

what do you do when life kicks you in the ass? - Kick back.

What's under girls skirts? - Hopefully, underwear of some kind. If not, you're probably on a direct route to Vaginaland, population 1.

how long does it take to finish the infatuation stage? - However long it takes for the sex to stop being fun.

how to keep a kid occupied in a hospital bed? - Duct tape, a cereal box, two pencils, and a piece of chewing gum (still in the wrapper). Don't ask questions, you just have to trust me on this one.

If This Were the Title of a Book, I Would Totally Buy It

doing a PhD in art and craft - A step-by-step guide for the ambitious crafter in you.

yodel jokes - Because I know there must be more to it than "Yoda lay he who?"

ways to take boob pics - I only know three ways so far, but I would really like to learn more. I just hate being an amateur at anything having to do with boobs.

dirty jenga sayings - If this has "A thousand and one" in front of it, I'll buy three. My dirty Jenga games are far too silent.

Eight Ways to Take a Shorter Shower - Although, if an entire book is only going to teach me eight ways, they better be explained very in-depth. With illustrations. Preferably of Joey Harrington demonstrating proper shower technique.

blond ants - I have no idea what this book would be about, but it's bound to be hilarious.

life in a petticoat - It's not fun, and it's not easy, but it is poofy. Very poofy.

the zen of motherhood - I hope everyone realizes the tongue-in-cheek nature of the title. I'd hate for anyone to pick up this book actually expecting to come out feeling relaxed.

And finally, the WTF?! for this week:

I'm sorry for the mistakes I've made. I've lived too much of life, to be so young. You've got to understand that it's hard on me, too. I'm more than willing, but I want it all, and I need you to - Um, WTF?!

Happy Sunday!


flutter said...

ok, honestly your googles totally outdo mine, which consist mainly of "red velvet cake" and
"peeing fatties"

tmb said...

Yay for Google-age. Can you email the site/program you use to keep track of fun stats like le-Google-age? Now that I have a blog, I get curious what brings people to it ... who knows, maybe it's funny!

Guilty Secret said...

The long ones are just so weird!

GHD said...

I agree with flutter. Your googles are far more interesting than mine... and far more hilarious!

tpiglette said...


Mrs. Chili said...

I SO wish that my crappy sitemeter let me see google terms people use to get to me...

Hanlie said...

Sadly my searches are just as boring...

elysa said...

I've never had such long conversationalists in my googleagle I guess your googlers are long winded

BetteJo said...

Mine are never that interesting either - I get things like "electric amish furnace" - Don't know what that has to do with my blog but it might be a good name for a band!

Lara said...

bette jo - ha! "electric amish furnace" is awesome. i highly approve. :)