There are many things I want to say about BlogHer. There is, of course, the traditional recap, where I talk about what I did and who I met. There are the sessions I attended and what I took away from them. And there are all the "meta" thoughts - how people interacted and what my place was among them. But it kind of feels like - let's be honest here - all of that would be so boring that you would want to shove your thumbs into various orifices of your body purely in the hopes of something interesting happening. And depending on which orifice you choose, that could be very dangerous, and if my post drove you to it then I think that makes me liable.
So I've made my own meme to sum it up. I know, right? I can practically hear your thumbs preparing to dive right in, but stay with me. Here for your pleasure (I hope) is what I will lovingly refer to as
BlogHer '09: A to Z
A is for... Anxiety, of which there was much through the weekend. Saturday I couldn't even get myself to leave the room until noon, and then only because Middle Aged Woman agreed to meet me for lunch so I wouldn't have to be alone. Yes, I am just that awesome.
B is for... BlowHer. I am sworn to secrecy by both the Cone of Silence and the Safe Circle, so I can't say much, but trust me when I say that BlowHer was, quite possibly, the best part of the whole weekend.
C is for... Coincidence, like when Jessica and I got on our flight to Chicago and then, to my complete surprise, who should get into the two seats right in front of us? Lady M and Fourth Breakfast, two of my "In Real Life" friends who were also heading to BlogHer. Or when, after having *just* explained to Jessica that my greatest fear about my blog is being discovered by people at work and then being dooced for it, a fellow staff member from Christian School was on the flight home with us. I managed to keep quiet about my reasons for being in Chicago and Jessica managed not to shout out anything like, "Hey, Lara, I had a great time at that BLOGGING CONFERENCE with you! Thanks for talking about BLOGS with me! I love your BLOG!"
D is for... Debt, like I am in after this weekend. Especially combined with having already registered for BlogHer '10 in New York and buying two new pairs of shoes yesterday. I am a one-woman stimulus for this economy, I swear.
E is for... E.L.F. - which stands for "eyes-lips-face" - makeup, who hosted a suite, gave free samples, and made good conversation with those who stopped by. I am enjoying my samples and look forward to checking out more of their products in the future, especially because their stuff is all $1, $3, or $5, and we all remember what D was for, yes?
F is for... Frozen yogurt. I really want some right now. Sorry, that's not about BlogHer, but I did want some while I was at BlogHer too, so that should count, right?
G is for... Glamour, the very definition of which is wearing pink feather boas through a bowling alley. Really, look it up in the OED if you don't believe me.
H is for... High heels. I didn't wear any the entire weekend. I was all about the flip flops, and honestly? I don't regret that decision.
I is for... Izzy Mom, who listened to me ramble and rant on Friday night. I appreciate that she didn't hold it against me when I saw her the next day, even though I really had been in a bitchtastic mood and she was just in the WRONG place at the WRONG time.
J is for... Jenny, The Bloggess, who is fabulously awesome and may or may not have offered me some "Mexican diet pills." And I may or may not have turned them down because they were Mexican, which may or may not (but almost certainly does not) make me racist.
K is for... Kleenex, which I really should have remembered to bring to the community keynote on Friday night. Her Bad Mother made me cry. A lot. Next year, I swear I'll be better prepared.
L is for... Licking. I hear a lot of this went on, but I was never present for it. For better or worse.
M is for... Mommybloggers, who have never marginalized me and who - as a group - are amazing and wonderful and not greedy marketing-whores like some people have portrayed them.
N is for... New friends, because I made many over the weekend. Everyone give that big, cheesy "Awwww!" now.
O is for... Overwhelming, which was the number one most common answer I heard to, "So, how has BlogHer '09 been for you?" and/or, "How was BlogHer '09?" I totally agree, by the way.
P is for... Pregnant women, because there were SO MANY of them this year. BlogHer '10 is going to have a whole lot of infant attendees.
Q is for... Question, like the one I managed to pose at the MamaPop ROYO (Room Of Your Own, for the uninitiated) session. Took me about 20 minutes to work up the courage, but I did manage not to crap my pants with terror while I asked, and Sugar actually complimented me on my thoughts. Clean pants and a compliment - a win-win!
R is for... Road trip, like the one I want to plan to get to New York City for BlogHer '10. Anyone want to join in?
S is for... Swag, but I think we've all heard WAY MORE THAN WE EVER NEEDED TO HEAR ABOUT THE EFFING SWAG DEBACLE. Ahem.
T is for... Thumbs, which are hopefully nowhere they shouldn't be right now.
U is for... Unicorn cake, which I never got to eat but which others told me was fabulous. Sadly, when I was supposed to be RSVPing for that party, I was feeding starving kids in Africa, so I didn't get to go. I know - my priorities are all messed up.
V is for... Vibrators, but I already told that story.
W is for... Whoops, like, "Whoops, apparently I booked my hotel room at the Sheraton for the week BEFORE BlogHer, instead of the week OF BlogHer!" Fortunately they took pity on me when I almost started crying and found me a spare room and all was well.
X is for... Xenophobes. I don't think there were any at the conference, but maybe I just wasn't looking closely enough.
Y is for... YOU! Because I'm glad you actually read this whole thing. Or you skipped to the end, in which case, you're kind of brilliant.
Z is for... Zack Attack, the fake band Zack Morris dreamed up in that one episode of Saved by the Bell. Because... um... it was the first 'Z' thing I could think of.
Now I know my ABC's - next time I will plan my recaps better so I don't have to do this again because it takes way too much mental energy.