A few things that have occurred to me recently, all under one particular theme...
Aly was named as one of November's "Bangable Blog Babes" at this site. While I'm certainly not going to deny that she's a hottie, I'm not sure being called "bangable" by some random guy on the internet is a compliment. Which is all to say that I'm horribly jealous and want to be "bangable" too.
Have you heard of The Cone? No? It's supposedly one of the greatest sex toys out there for women right now. Well, funny thing about it: Did you know there was a medieval torture device called the Judas Chair that was a very similar construction? Proving, yet again, that sex toys and torture devices are not so different as we might have imagined.
Can I just say how much I love that I can talk to my mom about things like dog collars and leashes? (And if you're thinking, "I don't see what the big deal is about talking to someone about dog stuff," then you've forgotten the theme of these bullet points.)
"Alabama Jones and the Busty Crusade" is just about the greatest porn title ever. EVER.
Last, but not least, if you like talking and/or reading about sex, I highly recommend taking a trip to the Queen's Bedroom. She rocks something fierce.
People Unclear on the Concept
comforting a child who's vomiting by holding their hair - That's nice and all, but I think some Pepto and saltines might comfort the child a little better.
I do not love you because i do not love myself - No, see, the way it works is that you love me and then I love you. If you're just going to love yourself then you don't need me. That's what The Cone is for.
birthday presents for 25 year old guys - How sweet that you want to get me a present! But I'm a 25-year-old girl, not guy.
what do you mean by education? - Um, I mean, education?
what do you mean by valentine? - Again, I think I mean valentine. What do you mean?
tips for learning australian accent - Accents aren't something you learn. They're just something you pick up, like new skills. Or STDs.
polite blogging - Hahahaha! Not here, kid.
tiny, flat, no boob pics - Also not here. I'm a far cry from perfect, but a lack of boobs is not one of my problems.
a birthday wish by the birthday person - No, birthday wishes go TO the birthday person, they're not made BY the birthday person.
dominatrix wearing ballet flats - No self-respecting dominatrix would be caught dead in ballet flats. Not while working, anyway.
writing a personal narrative for someone else - Well then it's not "personal" anymore, is it?
how bad is it to have a crush on your cousin? - Pretty bad, dood.
It's So Hard to Say Goodbye
goodbye letter when leaving teaching - "So long, chumps - I've decided to have a life again."
teacher goodbye summer letter - "Dear summer: I'm really sad to have to part ways with you so soon. It feels like only yesterday that I was running into your arms in search of sanity. Oh, wait, that was yesterday. Love, Teacher."
i was so sad when i said goodbye to my teachers - Good, that probably means you had good teachers. Or that they gave you free drugs.
quotes from a mom to a daughter on graduation - "You owe me 18 years of rent."
i try but the words get tangled up in my mouth - Those aren't words, they're small pieces of yarn. Spit them out, then try again.
WTFs of the Week:
personal essay on life as a roller skater in metaphor way - I beg your pardon?
what kind of juice cleans pennies? - Penny-cleaning juice?
heart broken that i was my boo baby life poem sayings - WTF?!
Until next time...