As I mentioned last week, New Boy is wonderful. There are so many more things I could have told you - how he once sent me an email just to say "XXOO," or how he once offered to wash my car for me, for example - but you all got the picture. I find myself often smiling and laughing and counting my blessings when I'm with him, all for the comfort and ease with which he makes me happy. It's easy, being happy, when I'm with him.
But when I quoted the Sara Groves song, "Every Minute," I did so consciously, for the message of the chorus:
And at the risk of wearing out my welcome,
At the risk of self-discovery,
I'll take every moment and every minute that you give me.
Notice that I am taking the time that he gives me. Nowhere does it say how much time he wants in return.
What New Boy's "Lara List" might look like.I find myself willingly staying in a very imbalanced relationship, and I'm not sure from one moment to the next how I feel about that. I like him a lot - which I'm sure you've all figured out by now - and I think our relationship has the potential to be, well, everything I could ever need. But New Boy is not so sure.
I know I have some pretty loyal friends out there reading - and yes, I consider most of you loyal friends, even if we've never met - so listen to me here: New Boy is still a great guy. A wonderful guy. The fact that he's not sure I'm "the one" for him? Well, we can't fault him for that. What he can control is how he acts, and he's been very open and honest with me, in ways that are kind and meant not to hurt me. I appreciate that immensely, and it's probably why I'm willing to stick this out for a while.
I was really upset about this earlier last week, wondering what I could do to convince him to give me a chance. I mean, we've only been seeing each other for a month, so maybe he just doesn't know me well enough yet. I was feeling the pressure of a deadline - a timetable hanging over my head that said if he didn't get that "I think we could be together forever" feeling in the next week or so, I was going to be cast aside and passed over for good. And that would have been really difficult and frustrating for me, because I do think we could be together forever, if we could both just find a way to compromise and work together.
But we talked for a long time on Friday, and I eventually realized that he was sort of talking around one particular issue. "Wait," I said. "Are you saying you want to date other people?" He looked guilty, and immediately started rambling about how he'd always felt that dating other people was lame and scummy and he didn't want to be that kind of guy but maybe...
Well, you should have heard my huge sigh of relief along with a slight tinge of laughter. "Great!" I said. That's right, folks - I am All For This. We've been dating for a month, and neither of us have made promises to each other. He's not my boyfriend, I'm not his girlfriend. We're dating. So if dating other people means he'll feel less pressure to make a decision about our possible future RIGHT NOW, then I think that's great. And if he meets some girl who gives him that "I think we could be together forever" feeling right away and he wants to be with her, well, isn't it better to know that now?
It's strange, I know, to be a girl saying, "The fact that he wants to see other people makes me feel sooo much better." But at least this way, he's giving me and our relationship a chance. If the alternative is having him give up on us right now because he's not sure, then I'll gladly let him look around for a while.
And maybe, while he's out there looking, he'll realize what a great thing he's got with me.
Before we start, I'd just like to remind you all that, as you read, you should keep in mind that these are SEARCH TERMS that people ACTUALLY SEARCHED for and then FOUND MY BLOG somehow. Yeah, let that insanity sink in as you read these things.
Things That Make You Go, "Mmm..."
remembering smell - At least, it'll make you go, "Mmm..." if you're remembering a good smell. If you're remembering the smell of your parents bathroom after you threw that raging party and then five people got sick in there, but only four made it to the toilet, and you couldn't figure out where the other one puked, but you know it's in that effing bathroom somewhere - well, then that probably makes you go, "Eww..."
heavy head in babies - Well, this makes me sigh and go, "Mmm..." but that could just be my maternal instinct clawing its way out.
hooter brighter breastfeeding - I think this one only works for perverts, but maybe I'm wrong.
scent of a woman's foot - This one too.
craving for someone hugs and kisses - This "Mmm..." might have more of a petulant whine to it, but it's still there.
musty smell on old quilts - Hey, if y'all had a grandma who smelled like old quilts, you'd be thinking it too.
showing off new shoes - I know at least Mocha would be going "Mmm..." along with me on this one.
my cabbage patch kid smells like vanilla - Just be grateful it doesn't smell like poop. You know, like a real kid does.
Things That Make You Go, "Huh?"
beginning ongoing good keep work - When you begin your ongoing work, keep it good. Or something like that.
the rivers - too tied to trie - Okay, I don't know who "the rivers" are, but are they too tired to try? Because if they're tied, that's fine (a little kinky, maybe), but I don't know what "trie" means.
analysis of they say that hope is happiness - Does "hope is happiness" actually require analysis? I figured it just meant if you're hopeful, you're happy. Am I wrong?
Installing self-esteem - Dude, it's not like software.
hot to write a personal narrative - Depends on the personal narrative and the, uh, nature of the content. I guess if you're writing the right stuff it can be quite hot.
"worn out" "bowling shoes" payless - I realize Payless is not exactly known for high quality, but I don't think they sell worn out bowling shoes.
Things That Make You Make This Face:
Show me what is under your skirt. - Um, no.
i have been caught in my moms underwear - Wow, that sounds like it might have been quite embarrassing. Especially embarrassing if you're male.
I like being groped - Have you talked to your therapist about this?
teacher thong graduation - I don't know what story goes along with this search, but I'm glad I'm not a part of it.
Missy Higgins Nipple - I BEG your pardon?
grope box - Wow, that sounds really unpleasant. You just sit in the box and get groped? Is this punishment or some form of "fun"?
underwear for me see through good - Wow, um... just wow.
husband wears pantyhose - Out in public, or just at home? 'Cause, you know, there's a big difference there.
mother learn wear pantyhose -porn - Well, I guess, um, good for her?
needed to change my tampon - And I sincerely hope you did.
And finally, a special one just for you, Julia:
tilf blowjob blogs
See how dirty they can really get? ;)