Sometimes, the Results Are All That Matter

Apparently, in many ways, I am very unusual when it comes to dreams. For one thing, I almost always remember my dreams, often quite vividly and sometimes for years at a time. For another, I usually dream in black-and-white, with select people or things appearing in color. And lastly, I dream in third-person - my dreams are like watching a movie, and while I can feel and experience things as if I'm living them out first-hand, I am always watching myself and others from some other perspective.

A couple years ago, I had a dream that was very strange for me. It was in color, and it was from a first-person perspective. Nothing out of the ordinary was really happening - no weird creatures, no magical elements. Except for one thing:

I was talking to my dad.

I had a dream all about talking to Dad. I sat with him, face to face, and told him about my life. I told him I'd gone to Stanford and graduated with my degree. I told him about J., and how much I loved him, and how I thought he might be the one. I shared my life with my dad - everything that had happened since he died. Everything he'd missed.

And he listened, with a smile, not speaking until the end. And when I was done, he said simply, "I know. I saw it."

I woke up happier than I'd been in a long time. Oh, sure, there was that pang of sadness to wake up to a life without him again. But it felt like I'd really talked to him, and that was something I'd longed for since the day he died.

Some people might say that my dream was no dream at all - that my father, as an angel or spirit of some kind, was really visiting me in my sleep. Others might argue that my sub-conscious was merely creating a situation wherein I could let out some of my bottled up emotional baggage, and it came in the form of an imagined conversation with my father. Still others might claim that it was nothing more than a dream, as random as any other.

I tried for a while to figure it out, but in the end, I realized it doesn't matter. I felt better that day, because of that dream. I felt closer to my dad for a little while, which is a rare thing for me. And I felt closure about some things I thought would be open forever.

Sometimes, I think maybe it's okay to leave questions unanswered and phenomena unexplained, and just be grateful for what they made possible.