Monday, August 27, 2007

Sometimes, the Results Are All That Matter

Posted by Lara at 1:50 PM
Apparently, in many ways, I am very unusual when it comes to dreams. For one thing, I almost always remember my dreams, often quite vividly and sometimes for years at a time. For another, I usually dream in black-and-white, with select people or things appearing in color. And lastly, I dream in third-person - my dreams are like watching a movie, and while I can feel and experience things as if I'm living them out first-hand, I am always watching myself and others from some other perspective.

A couple years ago, I had a dream that was very strange for me. It was in color, and it was from a first-person perspective. Nothing out of the ordinary was really happening - no weird creatures, no magical elements. Except for one thing:

I was talking to my dad.

I had a dream all about talking to Dad. I sat with him, face to face, and told him about my life. I told him I'd gone to Stanford and graduated with my degree. I told him about J., and how much I loved him, and how I thought he might be the one. I shared my life with my dad - everything that had happened since he died. Everything he'd missed.

And he listened, with a smile, not speaking until the end. And when I was done, he said simply, "I know. I saw it."

I woke up happier than I'd been in a long time. Oh, sure, there was that pang of sadness to wake up to a life without him again. But it felt like I'd really talked to him, and that was something I'd longed for since the day he died.

Some people might say that my dream was no dream at all - that my father, as an angel or spirit of some kind, was really visiting me in my sleep. Others might argue that my sub-conscious was merely creating a situation wherein I could let out some of my bottled up emotional baggage, and it came in the form of an imagined conversation with my father. Still others might claim that it was nothing more than a dream, as random as any other.

I tried for a while to figure it out, but in the end, I realized it doesn't matter. I felt better that day, because of that dream. I felt closer to my dad for a little while, which is a rare thing for me. And I felt closure about some things I thought would be open forever.

Sometimes, I think maybe it's okay to leave questions unanswered and phenomena unexplained, and just be grateful for what they made possible.

16 comments:

KennethSF on 2:34 PM said...

Someone once told me, "The quickest way to end a miracle is to ask, Why?" I think some of life's best moments are the unexplainable ones, the mysterious events that occur exactly at the right time.

flutter on 3:02 PM said...

Oh, hi Dad. He just wanted you to know he was there. What a beautiful dream.

Carol on 3:25 PM said...

Oh wow... that reminds me of my dream about my realization that my mom hadn't taught me to knit the German way before she died! (http://northwestladybug.blogspot.com/2006/09/knitting-german-way.html)

By the way, I also went to Stanford... but likely long before you did. Sigh!

Carol

BetteJo on 3:48 PM said...

Yeah, what KennethSF said. I agree!

Lisa on 6:10 PM said...

I think this:

Sometimes, I think maybe it's okay to leave questions unanswered and phenomena unexplained, and just be grateful for what they made possible.

Says it all.
And I totally agree.

R U Serious?? on 11:28 PM said...

I beleive that your dad really did visit you, just to let you know how much he still loves you!! How great for you!! Take that dream with you and continue to cherish it.
Bob~

Laura Lohr on 8:07 AM said...

Hi Lara! Looks like we are partners for the blog exchange this month! Looking forward to work with you!

Guilty Secret on 9:22 AM said...

Your attitude is fantastic, Lara. Ours not to reason why...

mayberry on 10:18 AM said...

This gave me the good kind of chills!

Lara on 1:45 PM said...

kenneth - i like that saying. i think sometimes people get way too bogged down in the "why"s of life.

carol - ooh, another cardinal alum! welcome!

guilty secret - i love that you just quoted alfred lord tennyson. :-P

Tori on 5:28 PM said...

Yes, enjoy this time with your father. Jim's father passed away several months ago and it is amazing how he visits me in my dreams.

Angela on 7:05 PM said...

Beautiful post.

Guilty Secret on 8:45 AM said...

See, there's more to me than bitching about my boyfriend ;-p

TB on 5:16 AM said...

How lovely.

I almost always remember my dreams as well and after my mother died, I dreamed about her every night for years. It made me feel comforted to know that somehow, she was still a part of my life.

Bryan on 7:44 PM said...

I've been away from the blogosphere for a long while, but what a beautiful post to come back to. It reminded me of a recent dream I had of my grandma. I was grateful to spend time with her again, even if only in my mind.

Then the dream ended when she charged down the aisle at church, did a cannonball into the baptistry, and died again. I'm not even gonna try to make sense of that.

Lara on 11:06 PM said...

bryan - that is seriously disturbing. seriously. :-P

 

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