This week is Teacher Appreciation Week. I have not, however, noticed it very much. After two crazy days with the kids doing their best Linda Blair impressions in the "only two weeks of finals, STAR tests, and AP exams until we're done for the year" insanity, I'm ready to institute the daily floggings I've been threatening since September. This morning, as I walked into class, I really wanted to write on the board:
IT'S TEACHER APPRECIATION WEEK, SO APPRECIATE ME, GODDAMNIT!
Instead, I wrote:
Only 8 days left! You can do it! :)
I don't indulge myself nearly as often as I would like to.
In happier news, yesterday marked six months of no cutting for me. Six months. There was a time I thought I wouldn't make it a single day, and here I am six months later, cut-free. There are still scars - as there always will be - but they are fading, day by day, and I am learning to handle my emotions in healthier ways. Thanks to everyone who supported me through the tough times, including the support I got from over in the Basement when I cross-posted. You all help me feel much stronger than I could ever feel alone.
For those of you who have been asking for updates on Aussie Boy, things are going very well. He's developing quite the ego from all of your comments - he refers to them as his "fan mail." But I can't say he's entirely undeserving. He is very cool.
He's won over the hearts of my coworkers, too. They asked what we did over the weekend, and I said he willingly sat with me in amiable companionship for multiple hours on both Saturday and Sunday while I graded student essays and portfolios. Yep, that's a supportive boy right there.
This is the first relationship I've really ever had that didn't start first with an extended period of friendship, and I'm discovering there are pros and cons to that. On the positive side, there are no pre-set expectations. It's not like he's known me for a year in some other capacity, seen other sides of me, seen me in other relationships. He's still just getting to know me, and I like how much less pressured I feel because of that.
But along with that comes the fact that he doesn't know me as well, so he doesn't always know what I need or want out of a given interaction. He's not as good at recognizing when I'm hurting and need support, or when I'm happy to joke and mock. He's learning to recognize when I have defenses up - when I throw up the outer wall - but he often has no idea why it's there or what to do about it. He doesn't know how to predict my reactions to his comments, and doesn't know how to "fix" things when he misjudges.
Of course, these are all things that can be overcome with time. Which is, sadly, one thing we don't really have. We'll be quite happy spending time together until September, but then he'll be leaving for another continent, and we'll be going about separate lives again. I'm learning a lot about myself and my hopes for the future, but I'm not deluding myself about the fact that he's not a part of that future. So some of what he doesn't know yet are things he'll never know, and that's just a fact of life and timing. It would be nice if he were around for longer, but I'm pretty happy spending the time we have together.
And in the meantime, I'll try to keep y'all better updated on his spectacular awesomeness, so you can bask in his glory and stroke his ego via the comments. :-P