Friday, February 09, 2007

Searchin' Me Out

Remember when I did a Thursday Thirteen on Google searches that sent people to my blog? Well, thirteen is just way too small a number for that, so I'm going to go ahead and give a more thorough accounting here. Some metadata, as Caffeinated Librarian would call it, from the past few weeks:

deep thinking about life
Yes, we have lots of that around here. In particular, see my deep thinking about the shoes, shopping, and Starbucks parts of life.

junk food novel
Okay, so are you the same person who searched for junk food literature last time? 'Cause seriously, what are you looking for? This?

body for life
Um, what? I hope you had better luck over at Mighty Girl's place when you clicked over there, 'cause there are no life-bodies here.

Done list
Just Done? No Due or Do? Your list needs work, kid.

6 foot teddy bear
Whoa. I'm not sure what the heck you need this for, but I wish you luck in your search. When Seeser was on Scrabble when she was nine, she won something like this as a parting gift. If we still had it, I'd say it was yours.

my naked sister
Nope, sorry. Those pictures are somewhere else. ;)

"How old can people get?"
Really, really old, JB. I already told you that. Though some people do it better than others...

decorative things
Wow. Nice and specific in your searches, aren't you? I bet you found *exactly* what you were looking for, huh?

my super
Your super... what? I'm dying of suspense over here. Literally - on the edge of my seat. Tell me, please!

my life blog
No, no, no - my life blog. Yours is somewhere else. If you've lost it, I recommend placing an ad.

married May 19, 2007
Who? 'Cause it sure as hell ain't anyone *I* know. As far as I and most people around me are concerned, this year is the year of failed relationships.

seeser surgery
Other people actually use the word "seeser"? No! It's MINE! MY WORD! And also, her surgery was years ago. Such old news.

my boobs
Um, unless you're Seeser, your boobs are nowhere to be found on my site. Sorry.

rick dewitt
He's chilling with the Palm Fronds, dood. They've got a big gig coming up soon. Check them out at the Roman Lounge Saturday at eight. It'll be bitchin'.

London night life
What in this blog would possibly lead you to believe that I would know anything about that? Aimee, I hope you know something about it, because this person came to your blog next.

tarantula maternal instincts
Er... I'm not sure they have any. Or, if they do, they're nothing like mine. I hope.

how long did it take to write the song can you feel the love tonight
I have no idea. Try writing to Elton John and/or Tim Rice. They should be able to tell you.

emily's blog AND teacher OR margaret OR wally OR agnes
What the HELL are you looking for? A friend? Any friend? By any name at all? Have some standards, for God's sake. I mean seriously - "agnes"?

alligators and crocodiles, difference
Is there any? Really? I mean, any that matter, that is.

who is peyton manning's mother
Um... Mrs. Manning?

"I don't get enough sleep"
Hey! Me neither! Maybe we should start a support group!

forgive yourself cruelty
Hmmm... This is good advice. I will work on forgiving myself for my cruelty. And once I've done that, I'll be free to be as cruel as I want. Muahahahaha!

sexy mom
Oh yeah. She is sooooo sexy. But she's my mom, so I'm going to leave this subject now.

hate dooce
Um, no. Leave my blog now. We have nothing but love for Dooce around here, so shut your piehole.

And now, I give you ten reasons I should never have started that whole LaBloShoeMo thing, because talking about my feet that much has just gotten me into trouble...

red pumps with rhinestones
Oh, dear God. Please tell me you never actually found these, because I'm really hoping they just don't exist. Oh, crap - they do.

flip flop size too big
Are you actually looking for flip flops that are too big for you? Generally that's something that only happens by accident.

raining flipflops slippery
'Cause that whole "cats and dogs" expression was getting old. "How's the weather?" "Oh, it's bad. It's raining flipflops slippery."

schoolgirl knee socks
I told you - it was just to pose the loafers. My naughty schoolgirl pictures aren't hosted on this site. You actually have to subscribe to a site to see those... ;)

painted toes
Now in both female AND male varieties!

female feet
Foot Admirer? Is that you?

in toe socks
Oh, maybe it was a two-parter. You were looking for female feet in toe socks, maybe?

grown up slippers
These sound sort of... triple X. Like, you buy "grown up slippers" at an adult superstore or something.

I want to eat your feet
I want to start carrying pepper spray when I leave the house.

When good pedicures go bad? I like the use of all caps here - I think it really gives this that sense of urgency that it needs.

And finally, two very important notes...

To whoever came here searching for fatty ass: I am extremely offended and hope you did NOT find anything even remotely like that here. My ass is not fatty. MY ASS IS NOT FATTY!

To whoever came here searching for picture of Joey Harrington's fiancee: If you are Joey, seeking a peek at your future beloved, I offer you this:

(Photoshop? I have no idea what you're talking about. Don't we make a beautiful couple?)

If you are a crazy stalker of Joey's who is looking to brutally murder any and all competition, I offer you this:

Yep, that's her. I highly recommend going to find her. She seems dangerous.


And for you, my lovelies, I have some advice: Nothing is more hilarious than seeing the strange-ass things people go looking for on the internet. Somehow, they manage to find you, and at times, this can be a bit frightening (remember "Lara David foot fetish" anyone?). But mostly, it's vastly amusing. Check your stats. Go. Now. Then come back and tell me what you found.


Anonymous said...

Heehee, This post had me incredibly amused. I wish I'd saved all of my Typepad stats, they only hold them for 24 hours or so which SUCKS. But I love some of your searches. Too funny!

Anonymous said...

you make a striking couple.

LaLa said...

That's a whole bucket of crazy in that last picture!

Tandava said...

A lot of my referring search queries actually make reasonable sense. Some funny ones, though:

help i have too many books
Let's start another support group, shall we?

a spell to ask for a particular thing
First step: decide which particular thing it is that you want.

paranormal monee
Similar to "Seeser," I wasn't aware anyone else used this term. Also, my grandmother is not paranormal. (At least, I think not.)

mandolin noises
I sound better than that, really.

Anonymous said...

I'm thinking I have nothing about London nightlife. lol

Poor misguided souls!

I'm surprised I didn't get the flip flop ones - I get lots of those "pretty girl in flip flops" I'm sure they totally got what they wanted then! lol

My favorite was amature black porn.

Amanda said...

What?! I don't know how to check stats! Whaddya think, I am technologically adept or something?!

Anonymous said...

LMAO at this: "Oh, it's bad. It's raining flipflops slippery." I've GOT to remember that.

The one search hit I continue to get is from some freak who's obsessed with Giada deLaurentiis; he's searched every possible thing connected to her name, and always hits on my blog. I swear, I've only written about her once!

Still Jill B said...

You know, the sheer magnitude of ways a person can find you is impressive.

Lara said...

boy, it's kind of depressing to come off a 20+ comment post and go back to only eight... :-P

aly - i'm glad to have amused you! you should start keeping stats again, then share with us.

kara - we do, don't we? i think we'll make beautiful babies.

lala - i know! she's a strange one, which is why she makes a good decoy for any and all joey harrington stalkers. which i am NOT, btw.

graham - ha! those are good ones. i especially like the "spell to ask for a particular thing."

aimee - yeah, i thought of you with the flip-flop stuff, too. but "amature black porn"? weird...

amanda - sign up for it's fast, simple, free, and endless hours of amusement. :-P

tense teacher - yeah, i'm totally waiting for the next rainy spell so i can start saying that. and isn't it funny how writing about something ONCE can bring people to you for months?

jill b - well, i am a multifaceted kind of gal. ;)

Teacher Anonymous said...

I've only got stats for February. No odd ones, but a few were mildly amusing.

everyone has a phd
Yes, it does seem like that some days. Especially when you're at a university, where everyone who doesn't have one is in the process of earning one.

fashionable mommies
No mommies here.

cake cutting wedding song ditty
I'd actually like to find one of these myself. I like how they used the word 'ditty.'

Lara said...

teacher anonymous - i love that phd one. at stanford, it's definitely an easy-to-feel feeling. also, my mommy is tres fashionable, so they should come to my place! :)