Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Not What You're Expecting, I Can Almost Guarantee

Okay, so I had a very big health scare recently, and it turned out to be okay, but it did require a procedure that prompted me to send this text to my sister:

They're about to take a scalpel to my lady bits - please pray!

Yes, you read that right. SCALPEL. LADY BITS. Yep. More details on that will be coming soon, I swear. And by "soon," I mean as soon as I'm not drowning in work, and we all know that "soon" in that definition is very flexible.

For now, though, something's been bugging me and I need your help. I bought a new shave gel recently - "Flirty Mango":

Now please tell me, oh wise readers of mine, what exactly makes a mango "flirty"? And how far does a mango have to go before it moves from "flirty" to "promiscuous"?

Thank you in advance for your help.


Rachel said...

flirty = perfect ripeness, with that perfect mango taste
promiscuous = overripe and overdone, with that nasty mango taste

fjd said...

Actually, it's a man deterrent: you're supposed to read it as "Flirty Man Go" -- an imperative statement indicating the action flirty men take when you use it. If you want flirty men to wander up to you, buy "Flirty Meanderin"; or, if you're thinking fast marriage, you can go with the even stronger "Flirty Mantalope".

Rowyn said...

I'm glad everything's okay. I have also had sharp pointy things directed at my "lady bits" and it is indeed scary and unpleasant. I sincerely hope that this is the last you'll see of such procedures.

califmom said...

If the mango comes at your lady bits with a scalpel, it's beyond flirty. I do know that much.

unmitigated me said...

"Flirty" has to do with its willing proximity to the lady bits. And yours, too, I would imagine. Recently did the little scalpel thing myself. Hope everything turns out well for you, as it did for me.

bernthis said...

when you peel it and it doesn't complain one bit