Wednesday, January 14, 2009

What Am I Doing Here?

I'm going through a bloggy identity crisis right now. I don't know what this space is supposed to be anymore. I never wanted a blog to be a place where I came and said, "Today I woke up late. Then I went to work. Then..." Etc. and so on and yadda yadda and oh my God can you just imagine how incredibly boring this place would be if all I did was transcribe my schedule every day? That's not what it's supposed to be about.

But sometimes, it's all I'm thinking about. Like tonight I'm completely overwhelmed just thinking about how scrunched (yep, scrunched) my schedule is this week with finals and how much grading I have and how many things at work I'm behind in finishing, plus trying to plan for a trip to Disneyland this weekend with some of the student groups, which, let's be honest, is going to be fabulously fun but still takes time away from all the work I still need to get done. And I could come online and write all about that and only that and make you all either read it or click away, but that's not what I want at all.

So what am I doing here? What's this blog about? What's my story these days anyway? One of the things I used to love about this blog was that it inspired genuine dialogue - I wrote my thoughts and feelings, and you, the readers, commented back to share your perspectives. I loved that, not for the numbers - "Ooh, look how many comments I got!" - but for the community. These days, though, I'm totally letting the community down by not being around for other people (and when I am around, not commenting) and not providing anything worth commenting on here.

I love blogging, but I hate the blogger I've become.

I know, I said in this post that I wasn't going to apologize anymore. And really, this isn't an apology. It's... I don't know what it is. But I had to get it out.


Here, look at more pictures of me in work clothes to distract you from my rambling!

Sadly, the lighting here is bad, so you can't see the dress, but it's a fun purple and black print from New York and Co.

Black and white polka dot silk camisole, also from New York and Co.

Love this top from Macy's. The tie in the back nips the waist nicely.

I ADORE this hat. Had it for a few years now. I obviously couldn't wear it all day for teaching, but I wore it to and from school. Also love the vibrant color of this top and the wide-leg sailor-style pants.

I like the coral / orange dots on this cardigan. Bright and fun.

This sweater is SO comfortable and warm. From the Gap.

Again, the color isn't good in this shot. The sweater is a richer lavendar than it looks here. Here it looks all washed out and plain.

Yeah, I like clothing. So you get to hear all about it.

And also, I would greatly love to know why Jigglyboo feels the need to sleep RIGHT ON MY NECK:

You can gauge from the look on my face how I feel about that.


BetteJo said...

I think a lot of bloggers kind of fade out now and then, sometimes they come back in the way they were before and sometimes not. But as we move through our lives things are changing every day. Blogs reflect that I think.

Except mine of course. We all know I am completely consistent with my posting, my commenting, and I am not neurotic nor do I have multiple personalities. Just sayin'.

Just be you. That's always the best.

flutter said...

just be you, ok?

Bridge said...

The beauty of Google Reader is that when you're ready to write, I'm ready to read what you have to say!

Mrs. Chili said...

I find I go through phases. Sometimes, I'm rocket hot and think, "DAMN! I should write for MONEY!" Other times, I can't think of a single thing worth putting into words. Just run with it, okay? It doesn't have to be all ON, all the time.

Anonymous said...

Jigglyboo knows that is what is called the sweet spot- the warmest spot that still allows him to be pet. Cats are not stupid creatures!

And as for the blog- well, your life seems to have calmed down as of late. It was a lot of trauma and drama for a long time, and there was a lot to write about. Your life's focus has changed. You just need to find the new niche.

Lisa said...

I often feel the same way about my blog. And I disappear for awhile....but we love you, for whatever you write, whenever you write. Don't put pressure!!!

Kennethwongsf said...

I've always been a firm believer that blogging should not take precedence over living. If you're preoccupied with working, studying, dreaming, romancing, hurting--all the essentials of living--put blogging on the back burner.

I'm not a fan of obligatory blogging--the notion that you need to blog because you haven't written anything for a while. I think a blog is all the more interesting when the blogger only blogs about blog-worthy episodes.

Write only when you feel like writing; then you'll be the blogger you'd like to be.

Teacha said...

I know I'm late to this conversation, but I second what everyone has said. You write what you want, when you are READY! We'll still be along for the ride. We all have to take sabbaticals as life happens.

P.S. You're teaching right now . ..and it's all consuming. Especially, if its your first year.