Tuesday, April 22, 2008

Google-age? On a Tuesday?

Because you've gone so long without it, a little taste of some Tuesday Google-age:

"funny wedding ditty" - For those less formal occasions, where "The Wedding March" just seems too stuffy.

virginity "i'm still me" - Finally, virginity takes a slogan. Next up: a catchy theme song!

2007 graduation quotes that rhyme - "My college degree took a lifetime to get, but I've got it! And also? A lifetime of debt."

ideas for improving myself as a teacher - Regular beatings and public humiliation. No, I'm just kidding. (About one of them.)

toilet peeing at girls restroom - Is there another way we're supposed to do it?

bathing mate's tennis shoes - You know that I love shoes and all, but I think the greater point of interest here is... What's a bathing mate?

life flies by poems - Maybe poems should move a little faster.

And my recent favorite:
the toy where you put your ankle in a ring and a ball is at the end of it - I think most people refer to this as "marriage."


In other news, could I be any slower about answering your questions? Of all the bloggers who've done this, I'm fairly certain I'm the absolute worst about getting around to responding. You were so good to ask, and I've taken forever to answer.

The always-beautiful Amanda asked:

What has been the biggest surprise to you as far as experiencing joy?

Honestly? That I could again, after my depression. It was like being a totally different person, being that depressed, and whoever that person was, she seemed incapable of experiencing genuine happiness. Oh sure, she could make jokes now and then, and laugh along with the crowd, but there was no real joy in any of that. Everything in those days was dampened by a sort of hopelessness - a sense that life was terrible, but there was nothing to do about it. And it honestly felt to me like it would be that way forever.

Fortunately, it wasn't forever. Medication helped with the chemical problems, and therapy helped with the emotional problems, and soon I was declared in remission of my depression. Of course, getting out of a depression doesn't mean the sadness all goes away, so I still had down days. But those bad days were less frequent, and soon I was having genuinely good days too. I started having days where I felt strong and hopeful about my future. And then one day, it happened: In the middle of some completely mundane activity, it just hit me:

I was happy.

Not happy to be doing whatever I was doing. Not happy because something good had happened, or because someone said something nice to me. Just happy, all by itself. Until that moment, I hadn't been sure I would ever get there again.

Since then, those moments have come more and more often. And these days, I'd say my normal mode of being is happy. I tend to complain about a lot of little things, but when it comes down to it, I like myself and where I'm at these days. Joy is a regular part of my life again.

And that, Amanda, was the biggest surprise of all.


Mrs. Chili said...

I needed to read about your experiencing joy. I'm dealing with a friend with depression, and that, combined with her alcoholism, is something I've never had any experience with before. I've been exposed to all kinds of other dysfunction - I had a manic-depressive, bi-polar mother, for cryin' out loud, but my friend's stuff is all new to me.

Anonymous said...

I remember that feeling. Just all of a sudden the fog goes away and everything is okay. It's such an awesome feeling.

Anonymous said...

We all have varying degrees of joy and depression in our memory banks. Whenever you can, take a moment and choose to strengthen the feelings and emotions connected with joy and happiness. As you do, the support of these memories will help tremendously in those down times.

William said...

If I may bring a slightly detached, clinical perspective to the matter: Cases of serious depressive episodes are almost always characterized by hopelessness. It's not enough that I just feel really bad, it comes with the feeling that things will never get better.

This is one of the reasons why Depression can be so difficult to treat, medicinally or psychologically. It's hard to understand, under a huge weight like that, that things can and will get better.

That being said, it's wonderful that you feel this way now. It doesn't compare, I know, to seeing the light dawn yourself, but seeing that change in a friend is a truly blessed thing.

Hanlie said...

You've been scarce and I've missed you! Glad to hear Joy is back!

BetteJo said...

I totally understand that. I know I didn't recognize it at first.