Sunday, September 09, 2007

Why I Might Not Be a Keeper (And Some Google-age)

As I mentioned last week, New Boy is wonderful. There are so many more things I could have told you - how he once sent me an email just to say "XXOO," or how he once offered to wash my car for me, for example - but you all got the picture. I find myself often smiling and laughing and counting my blessings when I'm with him, all for the comfort and ease with which he makes me happy. It's easy, being happy, when I'm with him.

But when I quoted the Sara Groves song, "Every Minute," I did so consciously, for the message of the chorus:

And at the risk of wearing out my welcome,
At the risk of self-discovery,
I'll take every moment and every minute that you give me.

Notice that I am taking the time that he gives me. Nowhere does it say how much time he wants in return.

What New Boy's "Lara List" might look like.
I find myself willingly staying in a very imbalanced relationship, and I'm not sure from one moment to the next how I feel about that. I like him a lot - which I'm sure you've all figured out by now - and I think our relationship has the potential to be, well, everything I could ever need. But New Boy is not so sure.

I know I have some pretty loyal friends out there reading - and yes, I consider most of you loyal friends, even if we've never met - so listen to me here: New Boy is still a great guy. A wonderful guy. The fact that he's not sure I'm "the one" for him? Well, we can't fault him for that. What he can control is how he acts, and he's been very open and honest with me, in ways that are kind and meant not to hurt me. I appreciate that immensely, and it's probably why I'm willing to stick this out for a while.

I was really upset about this earlier last week, wondering what I could do to convince him to give me a chance. I mean, we've only been seeing each other for a month, so maybe he just doesn't know me well enough yet. I was feeling the pressure of a deadline - a timetable hanging over my head that said if he didn't get that "I think we could be together forever" feeling in the next week or so, I was going to be cast aside and passed over for good. And that would have been really difficult and frustrating for me, because I do think we could be together forever, if we could both just find a way to compromise and work together.

But we talked for a long time on Friday, and I eventually realized that he was sort of talking around one particular issue. "Wait," I said. "Are you saying you want to date other people?" He looked guilty, and immediately started rambling about how he'd always felt that dating other people was lame and scummy and he didn't want to be that kind of guy but maybe...

Well, you should have heard my huge sigh of relief along with a slight tinge of laughter. "Great!" I said. That's right, folks - I am All For This. We've been dating for a month, and neither of us have made promises to each other. He's not my boyfriend, I'm not his girlfriend. We're dating. So if dating other people means he'll feel less pressure to make a decision about our possible future RIGHT NOW, then I think that's great. And if he meets some girl who gives him that "I think we could be together forever" feeling right away and he wants to be with her, well, isn't it better to know that now?

It's strange, I know, to be a girl saying, "The fact that he wants to see other people makes me feel sooo much better." But at least this way, he's giving me and our relationship a chance. If the alternative is having him give up on us right now because he's not sure, then I'll gladly let him look around for a while.

And maybe, while he's out there looking, he'll realize what a great thing he's got with me.


Before we start, I'd just like to remind you all that, as you read, you should keep in mind that these are SEARCH TERMS that people ACTUALLY SEARCHED for and then FOUND MY BLOG somehow. Yeah, let that insanity sink in as you read these things.

Things That Make You Go, "Mmm..."

remembering smell - At least, it'll make you go, "Mmm..." if you're remembering a good smell. If you're remembering the smell of your parents bathroom after you threw that raging party and then five people got sick in there, but only four made it to the toilet, and you couldn't figure out where the other one puked, but you know it's in that effing bathroom somewhere - well, then that probably makes you go, "Eww..."

heavy head in babies - Well, this makes me sigh and go, "Mmm..." but that could just be my maternal instinct clawing its way out.

hooter brighter breastfeeding - I think this one only works for perverts, but maybe I'm wrong.

scent of a woman's foot - This one too.

craving for someone hugs and kisses - This "Mmm..." might have more of a petulant whine to it, but it's still there.

musty smell on old quilts - Hey, if y'all had a grandma who smelled like old quilts, you'd be thinking it too.

showing off new shoes - I know at least Mocha would be going "Mmm..." along with me on this one.

my cabbage patch kid smells like vanilla - Just be grateful it doesn't smell like poop. You know, like a real kid does.

Things That Make You Go, "Huh?"

beginning ongoing good keep work - When you begin your ongoing work, keep it good. Or something like that.

the rivers - too tied to trie - Okay, I don't know who "the rivers" are, but are they too tired to try? Because if they're tied, that's fine (a little kinky, maybe), but I don't know what "trie" means.

analysis of they say that hope is happiness - Does "hope is happiness" actually require analysis? I figured it just meant if you're hopeful, you're happy. Am I wrong?

Installing self-esteem - Dude, it's not like software.

hot to write a personal narrative - Depends on the personal narrative and the, uh, nature of the content. I guess if you're writing the right stuff it can be quite hot.

"worn out" "bowling shoes" payless - I realize Payless is not exactly known for high quality, but I don't think they sell worn out bowling shoes.

Things That Make You Make This Face:

Show me what is under your skirt. - Um, no.

i have been caught in my moms underwear - Wow, that sounds like it might have been quite embarrassing. Especially embarrassing if you're male.

I like being groped - Have you talked to your therapist about this?

teacher thong graduation - I don't know what story goes along with this search, but I'm glad I'm not a part of it.

Missy Higgins Nipple - I BEG your pardon?

grope box - Wow, that sounds really unpleasant. You just sit in the box and get groped? Is this punishment or some form of "fun"?

underwear for me see through good - Wow, um... just wow.

husband wears pantyhose - Out in public, or just at home? 'Cause, you know, there's a big difference there.

mother learn wear pantyhose -porn - Well, I guess, um, good for her?

needed to change my tampon - And I sincerely hope you did.

And finally, a special one just for you, Julia:

tilf blowjob blogs

See how dirty they can really get? ;)

Happy Sunday!


mks said...

Wowo I applaud your security and happiness at the "I think I want to date other people" I think your line of reasoning is wonderfully sound and great! If he doesn't realize you are the one then HE won't be the one!

BetteJo said...

Your logic is wonderful about new boy and dating and all. I know though, that if I were in the same situation - that kind of logic would be me fooling myself thinking I could deal with dating other people.
Good thing you're not me, huh? You certainly sound more level headed than I was at your age!
Hope the way it is supposed to work out - is the way you would like it to. :)

Still Jill B said...

That kind of honesty IS important, and certainly keep this post handy to refer to when you start to doubt yourself, because you said some wise things in here (and we all tend to doubt our good thoughts).

Although, maybe he deserves a LITTLE bit of crazy on his con list, for being the kind of person who puts this much pressure on the decision at this point. Geez-oh!

Kennethwongsf said...

Retaining the option to date other people is part of New Boy's ongoing education, I guess. I hope he doesn't take too long to figure out what a great catch you are.

(By the way, I think anyone who can make that sort of cartoon face you make has to be a keeper.)

Lara said...

kennethSF - "cartoon face" eh? yeah, that's a good name for it. sadly, most guys don't find that very sexy. ;)

dancing dragon said...

Sometimes I read relationship books and sometimes they actually make sense, like the generalization that women tend to be swept away and already picturing the future by the first few dates, while men tend to be slower and approach it more as a rational decision-making process.

The topic of dating multiple people reminds me of the one random chat I had with your roommate's brother, where he did a pretty good job of convincing me that allowing both to date multiple people until a real commitment is made is a good thing.

Anonymous said...

Dude, you are a keeper, just like Goldmember would say

Anonymous said...

Dating a couple of people at the same time seems to have become this big taboo thing, as thought it makes you slutty or easy or something. It's ridiculous. I'm glad you guys are both in agreement about it - it would suck if you weren't.

You get all the good Google searches. 'snot fair.

Lady M said...

On the Pro side of the list, you should add "charming company."

Anonymous said...

As long as you remain ok with it... I'd hate to see you hurt (again). But we know that men are like elastic bands, who need to pull away from time to time (thanks to John Gray in "Mars and Venus on a Date"). The worst thing us women could do is to pursue them, or even show that we mind... So you're on the right track.
Hope it works out for you!

Anonymous said...

I like how you and New Boy think. Very understanding and open. Sounds like it could be the start of something great.

Anonymous said...

Exactly! And if he doesn't, to hell with him! You don't want to be with someone THAT stupid!

Lara said...

nutmeg - ha! i love your "no nonsense" attitude. ;)

Caffeinated Librarian said...

Hey, there's nothing wrong with both of you dating other folks and still seeing each other as long as you're honest with each other (and the other folks who you see).

And I know you've said that you see this going the distance, but I'd encourage YOU to see other folks too (I mean, don't jump random men on the street or anything, but if you happen to meet someone who strikes your fancy then see where it goes).

Good luck to you both - with luck, it will all work out so that you are both very happy.

Lara said...

CL - it's not necessarily that i see it going the distance. it's more that i see it as having the potential to go the distance. i strongly believe that it's possible, and the boy isn't even sure enough to say that. i have no immediate plans to date others because i have no other immediate prospects. but yes, if i meet someone i want to "try" for a while, i will. :)

Anonymous said...

I guess this recent post leaves us with no reason to wonder why Google escorted that last search phrase to your blog.

Just A Lizard said...

Add to the Pro list; Likes Kids and Knows how to use the English language properly, and effectively, (truely this is a rarity.)

I also know guys who think "Crazy" is an admirable quality. Insane is the bad word in that context.

I've known guys to fall so quickly in love, but never a woman. I hope this ends happily for you.

Perhaps I'll see you out dancing again sometime. Are you coming out to October Gaskells?

Guilty Secret said...

You're definitely a keeper... if not fro New Boy, then for someone else. You have a great attitude. Confidence and patience are all you need.

Lara said...

brian - okay, i have to say, i'm lost as to who you are. i know you? we've been dancing together? to answer your question, no, i have no current plans to attend the october gaskells. it's been at least a year since i last went to gaskells, though i used to go somewhat regularly. :)

Just A Lizard said...

You don't know me as such. We've met, and seen each other at Waltz Weekend/Week events this year.

We have a mutual acquaintance of Speaking Natalie, whom I see at FNW on occasion and when asked about you has only glowing things to say. Well I take that back, said person indicated taht you don't dance socially as much anymore as you once may have.

Lara said...

brian - ah, yes, the lightbulb goes on. and it's true - i don't social dance as much as i once did. however, i go more than he probably realizes i do, because he doesn't frequent the places i do (which are largely swing- or blues-focused these days). :)