One of the myths a lot of people seem to hold about my job is that it's all playtime. Certainly the kids have a lot of time to play and have fun, but I? Don't really get to join in. Since I'm always supervising, I don't get to run around the playground with them, and I never get to do the fun art projects. There was one time I tried drawing with the kids during afternoon art time, and Boss Lady got upset, saying that if any parents saw me doing that they'd be very upset. Oh, I'm sorry, I guess I'm not supposed to be playing or having fun with the kids - it's better to be distant and cold, right?
Well, because of this, I decided to host a little arts and crafts day for me and some friends. Boss Lady was kind enough to let me borrow any and all art supplies I wanted, as well as a work table and some of those tiny plastic kiddie chairs. Attendees included New Boy, Tali and K., and Graham. We made collages, decorated picture frames, painted greeting cards, and had general merriment all around. I highly recommend this as a fun way to get together with friends on a sunny weekend afternoon. Because doesn't this look like fun?
Besides, now I have a decorated fridge:
If you want a greeting card that looks like it was made by a 3-year-old, email me your address and I will send you a Lara David original.
And that's a bona fide offer.
I Want to Date These People
optical illusions thirteens man - Because nothing spices up a relationship like having your man suddenly disappear. Or become thirteen of himself.
Dr Pepper Berries and Cream guy - You know, he's not too bad. But that Starburst Berries N' Cream guy? Now he's hot.
fortune tellers telling me at what age i will die - What a handy person to have around, someone who knows when I'll die and isn't afraid to tell me. Of course, that might be a pretty big mood-killer, you know? "Oh, honey, you're so hot. It's too bad you'll be dying in a fiery crash next Thursday."
struggling depression twentysomething - We're like peas in a pod! Clearly, we were made for each other. We'll drag each other down into our respective depressions until we self-destruct in a big pile of flames and ash. And we'll probably have great sex along the way.
miss ish - Miss Ish is awesome. Why would anyone not want to date her?
ophelia king crab - I think this world needs more crustacean-human interbreeding.
i'm sweet but not enough to give you a toothache - That's good, because I hate toothaches. But I do like boys who are sweet. I also like cookies. And cupcakes. And boxes of chocolate. And did I mention the cookies?
Mr. Darcy and rising out of the water - Oh yeah... I'll be having sweet dreams tonight after thinking about that scene. Oh, Colin Firth, how hot you are swimming around with no shirt on.
Oh It Seems Like a Good Idea Now...
sleepover tickle - Tickle fights area brilliantly entertaining part of sleepovers... until you start tickling that one girl who completely lacks bladder control. That's when the game stops being fun.
learning to love myself - Very important part of life. However, if you're looking for a support group, make sure it's not a "self-love" support group. Those are different. Trust me.
tickling as flirting - See above, where I discuss bladder control.
letters of encouragement to your daughter - "Dearest daughter, I am so proud of what you have accomplished so far in your life. When you accepted your prize as second runner-up at Stripperlympics 2004, I cried tears of joy. Now that you've accepted Paco the Pimp's kind offer, I hope you might consider moving out of my basement. Love, Mom."
Rolling Chairs for Education - Not the greatest fund-raising endeavor in the history of high schools.
twist oreos lick frosting - Enough twisting and you'll have a nasty case of carpal tunnel, mister.
banging sisters best friend - Yeah, when you're a horny 16-year-old boy, this always seems like a good idea. It's really not.
cinnamon trident discussion - It's nice until those damned spearmint enthusiasts show up and ruin everything.
see my underwear skirt - You think it's a good idea to write about what's under your skirt, but then you start getting creepy emails from strange men asking to get "more information" about what's down there. Yeah, that's not frightening at all...
sending your date on a scavenger hunt before the date - How sweet! But two days later, when she still hasn't returned, you'll have a lot to answer for.
And the WTF?! for today goes to:
diagramming sentences because city roads are crowed, I will buy a bicycle.
To which we say: WTF?!
Any strange searches for you lately?