Thirteen Things Lara Needs, According to Google
This is a fun game to play: Type "[your name] needs" into Google, and see what the top searches are. You'd be shocked to discover all you're apparently missing in your life...
1. ... to get laid. [Swear to God, that was the first one that came up.]
2. ... to stick with Brad's plan. [Who is Brad? And what does his plan entail?]
3. ... to learn how to drive a car at night. [Hey! I'm an excellent driver.]
4. ... some happy white pills. [I already have some happy pink pills. They keep me from strangling people in their sleep. Allegedly...]
5. ... to prevent herself from going under. [Under what? Water? The table? The knife?]
6. ... SSI prayer requests. [So long as 'SSI' doesn't stand for "Satan's Satanic Intervention" or something.]
7. ... a break. [True, I need a break from all this free time. It's just too much.]
8. ... to do something serious that isn't direct to video. [My acting days are long behind me, thankyouverymuch. But I'll consider going back to it, now that you've brought it up.]
9. ... to steal one. [Whatever that one is, it'll be stolen by midnight.]
10. ... to make a few gonzo pornos to update her resume. [Okay, whoa. When I said I'd consider going back to acting, this was not what I had in mind...]
11. ... a Friend. [And not just any friend. A Friend.]
12. ... to see the shot. [What shot? Where? Now I'm all paranoid about shootings.]
And, last, but certainly not least, Lara needs...
13. ... a hug and something absolutely wonderful to happen to her. [Now who could argue with that?]
So, what do you need?
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