Tuesday, May 01, 2007

Mother's Night

11:30 p.m. I finally finish working/blogging/folding laundry/puttering around. I’m nearly ready for bed, brushing my teeth, when I hear my son’s cry.

I enter his dim room. He’s standing in his crib, sobbing. I can hear the tears and the snot all over his face, even though I can’t see them. I crawl around on the floor, feeling for the pacifiers he’s either dropped or hurled to the floor in anger. One, two, three—I feed them back to him through the bars. He crouches down long enough to pick them up, and just as quickly pulls himself back onto his feet.

I stand next to the crib and he grabs for me, his arms tight underneath mine, his head on my shoulder. “Hold you,” he gasps between sobs. “Hold you, Mama.” I rub his back and tell him, over and over: “It’s nighttime now. I’ll hold you in the morning.”

Still angry, still sobbing, he soon gives up. He sits down, but he can’t help himself. “Hold you, Mama. Hold you.” But now the yawns come, too, amid the sobs and the pleas and those sharp, damp intakes of breath.

I sink down to the floor, stretch out, wait. Keep murmuring. “In the morning, sweetie. In the morning.” The wails soften and the intervals between them stretch longer. Eventually I hear the chok-chok-chok of the pacifier in his mouth, the slowing of his breathing.

Cautiously, gingerly, I stand. Tiptoe to the door, my hand on the knob.

“Mama stay.”

“Yes, baby. Mama will stay.” I return to my post on the floor, waiting and listening. Mama stays.


The always sleepy Mayberry Mom is visiting as part of this month’s Blog Exchange, celebrating Mother’s Day. Visit her blog to read Lara’s entry today!


Amanda said...

Lucky two. Staying is something that will be sweet to look back on. Beautiful!

jodifur said...

I've never read anything that so accurately describes what those sleepless nights are like. Beautiful post.

Anonymous said...

This just made me cry, because my son says, "I jus wanna hold you Mumma." All the time. It's just amazing to me that we have two beautiful little boys who love us!

Thanks for writing this post!

Heaven said...

Were you at my house last night!? Beautifully put.

soccer mom in denial said...

No, she was at my house! My 3-year-old always says the same thing "You check on me?" and "You don't go downstairs, ok?". But the sobs, the "hold you!", all of it. How universal it all is.

Thank you.

Jennifer said...

I never say no to "Hugs". I just curl her up into my arms and most of the time end up sleeping right there with her. I love the hugs too, I guess.

Anonymous said...

oh, the 'hold you' caught in my throat - bad enough to have the arms up and catching my arms, but I don't know what I'm going to do once my babe starts talking!

Anonymous said...

You are a WONDERFUL mom!! But I think your son already knows that... That was sweet.

Alex Elliot said...

Mine says "pick you up?" but other than that it sounds just like a night at my house.