Oh, you all thought you were out of luck again, didn't you? But no, I decided to celebrate the holiday weekend with an extra day to compile amusing searches. I should have celebrated the holiday weekend by finishing a whole lot of school work... but I didn't. What can I say? I am at the mercy of the procrastination gods.
I walked down the street and there was a hole and I fell in it - Wow, that must have been so embarrassing! Were you at least able to sue the city and get something for your humiliation?
my friend jumped in the hole with me - Ah, a double lawsuit. Good plan!
stretched ears mom - Run and hide! It's the Stretched Ears Mom Monster!
john stamos forever code - Is this anything like "The DaVintage Code"? (Speaking of which, all of you locals should come check out the show! Thursday still has lots of tickets available.)
deep thinking life meta - Sounds really intense. You sure you're ready for that?
This? Not the thing with feathers.analysis of "Hope is the Thing With Feathers" - Is that a poem? Song? It sounds awfully vague - "the Thing with Feathers." Here's my analysis: Essentially, the "Thing" represents something for which you feel some sort of emotion and the "Feathers" are people or places or objects or just generally anything that you sort of feel like maybe you saw at some point or something. Got it?
replacement stud closer on jeans - I don't have any studs closing my jeans. Where can I get one?
"eric claptop" wonderful - I'm sorry... who?! Eric Claptop? Who is Eric Claptop? You claim he's wonderful, so now I want to know who he is. In the meantime, how do you feel about Eric Clapton?
pantyhose OR nylons "wear them under" - That's right, generally we wear pantyhose and/or nylons under our clothes, rather than over. You certainly have the option of going against convention here, but know that people will look at you funny.
dateline: circle of friends - A dirty exposé on friendship and the lives it can ruin. Tonight at 11:00.
I am so proud daughter love mom - The shortest mother-daughter note ever. Thanks, Mom!
due to be done - "Cruel to be kind"?
"liquid charcoal" + overdose - I think I threw up a little in my mouth just thinking about that nasty stuff. Blech...
That's him!how to make palm frond bowl - You know, I get lots of searches having to do with palm fronds. I'm beginning to think that there's someone out there stuck on a desert island, just searching for ways to keep life interesting with what he's given. Although, I suppose if he can do Google searches, he could probably get himself a way off the island. So maybe not.
palm fronds ideas - See? Another one! Who ARE these people?!
it's okay to be numb - Is it? Oh, well then I'll just ignore those tingling sensations in my toes. Thanks for that.
things to say while sneezing - Wow. Um. I think, generally speaking, that it might be best to save the talking for after the sneeze is over. Then you might try, "Excuse me."
how to describe the scent of a woman - Lovely. Beautiful. Alluring. Anything but 'stinky fishmarket.'
picking between 2 bad situations - Ah, the classic choice: boxers or briefs. There's really no winner in that game. The solution: boxer-briefs. Or you could always go commando. Although I really have a thing for boxer-briefs. In case anyone's curious.
group therapy bulimia - Boy, that doesn't sound healthy at ALL.
giving a friendship time to heal after a hurt - I've had my fair share of experience with this. It can often be very difficult, because all you want is to make it better RIGHT. NOW. But sometimes you have to step back and give your friends some space before you can work together to heal the friendship.
i'd like to thank all the little people - You're welcome. (For what?)
Kick! Face!Good deeds cannot be retracted - Sure they can. I could do something nice for a friend, and then run up and kick that friend in the face. That's kind of like retracting my good deed. Trust me - I'll show you the next time I see you.
humans deserve happiness - Well, some of them do, anyway.
i think my mom is amazing - I think MY mom is amazing TOO! What a coincidence!
my boss wants me to rate myself - Like, on a scale of 1-10? Or is this a "Hot or Not" kind of deal? What is the purpose of the rating? Possible promotion in the works? Take a page from Mary Poppins and rate yourself "practically perfect in every way."
raccoon eyes toddler - That's what happens when you let them sleep with mascara on.
as my tears fell i saw her - Who?
i'm just a type of metaphore - And I'm just an example of poor spelling. Together, we'll find a way to make it through this crazy world.
if you love me pick your poison - I do love you. Hemlock.
have your sh*t together - Have your own sh*t together, A--hole!
depression won't get out of bed - Why was it even in your bed in the first place? Depression's impossible to get out of bedsheets. It's a lot like cracker crumbs in that way. And cat fur. And sometimes the cats themselves.
dating an aussie - Can be quite entertaining, if you ask me. Although it sometimes feels like I'm trying to learn a whole new language, with all the "G'day" and "this arvo" and "uni" stuff. But generally, I highly recommend it. And I'm pretty sure Aly will back me up on this one.
teachers write goodbye letters to students - Not all of them, but I did.
bits of fluff - Let's be honest: That's really all Sunday Google-age is.