I'm scared to post this.
Aly, in her venerable wisdom, suggested we post our deepest secrets - "spill the beans," so to speak. Teacher Anonymous and Teacher Jane have both taken her up on the offer, and I think others might have a post on the way, too. Never one to ignore a bandwagon as it drives past, I thought I'd jump on.
I do want to say something first, though. I considered doing easy ones - little tidbits about me that you might not know, like about my tongue piercing or something. But then I decided to test my bravery by admitting to some things that really do make me ashamed sometimes. These are real, honest confessions, and I'm asking you, please, not to judge too harshly. In some cases, they're things I'm trying to change my own attitude about; in others, they're things I'm just trying to change completely.
- I am a virgin. By choice. And I don't think I should be ashamed of that, but I sometimes am.
- Even though I usually don't think I'm very attractive, I am obsessed with looking at myself in mirrors and photographs.
- I think I'm a good poet, a good writer, and a good dancer. Even when I say I don't.
- When I was 16 and my dad was in the hospital, I had parties at the house. During one of them, two of the boys got in a fight and ripped a hole in one of Dad's speakers. During another, we broke a picture frame. I never told him any of it.
- I have used my depression as an excuse to not do things I haven't wanted to do.
- I have judged others for being depressed when I felt they didn't have a valid reason. By which I mean "as valid as mine."
- I have said and done things explicitly to hurt people who have hurt me, even if I feel they hurt me by accident.
- When I call customer service and I get someone with a foreign accent, my initial response is to think he/she won't be as competent as someone without one.
- I have seen mothers doing their best with their kids and thought, "I could do better than that."
- I have had moments working with some of my students where I have thought, "God, how can you still not GET this?"
- I have had moments as a nanny dealing with tantrums where I really wanted to just scream back at the kids.
- I have talked about friends behind their backs. I have also pretended not to be close friends with someone when discussing that person with others who don't like him/her, even if he/she is one of my closest friends.
- I have judged other bloggers for confessions they've made. I hate knowing that some of you will judge me for mine.
I will click "publish" anyway.