Sunday, March 04, 2007

Let's Laugh at the Crazies!

Aly has recently begun a weekly check-in with her traffic stats, and I decided, since I find my own so amusing, that maybe I would jump on this particular bandwagon. I may not do it every week, but definitely once in a while, because, well, people are crazy, and somehow, they find my blog. On to the stats...

Nine People Who Make Me Scared to Blog:

hot boobs

boobs blogspot

my sexy body blog (No, no, no - MY sexy body blog.)

foot fetish blog

hot legs (Um, okay, try here.)

sexy boobs picture

sexy big ass (For both this and the one above, I recommend looking here, though I don't know that I agree with the "big" part.)


sexy mom (Well, yeah, she is pretty sexy...)


Remember last time I did some metadata, and I found that someone was looking for pictures of the love of my life's fiancee? Well, the searches continued. Here I present some searches, with my thought process along the way:

joey harrington's fiance - I'm pretty sure you meant to add a second 'e' to the end of that word. Or maybe you think he's gay. He's NOT.

joey harrington's fiancee - Ah, there you go.

"Joey Harrington's" fiancee - Right, 'cause I'm sure the capitalization and quotes really make a difference.

Joey Harrington fiancee - Okay, I'm getting bored. Why do so many people look for this stuff? They all just want to make sure he's still single?

Joey Harrington's wedding plans - What? Um... wait a second. He's not... Is he? No, he can't be.

joey harrington's fiancee emily - ACK! She has a name?! She must be real! A quick Google search of my own confirms this. He's engaged. The love of my life, my future husband, is engaged to someone who is Not. Me. Waaaah! :(

Joey Harrington pictures with Emily - Fuck off and die. You don't deserve to be at my website if you actually want to see pictures of that trampy whore. Okay, maybe I'm being overly harsh. But she stole my man!

joey harrington sexual preference - Well, I think given the chance it would be "With Lara David." He just doesn't realize it yet. For now, it seems to be "With some trampy whore named Emily." Skank.

Misery Loves Company

my recent overdose - You too? What did you take? I took anti-nausea meds - 14 times the recommended dosage. Have you gotten help? Did your help come in the form of new pills to take? Mine did.

I was a disappointment to my father - You too? Is he alive? 'Cause if so, maybe there's still hope.

cutting myself - You too? I recommend trying to stop that if you can. It's not very healthy.

life with depression - You too? It sucks, huh? I find that keeping as physically healthy as possible helps a lot, as does having good friends.

sing for my life and sing for my tears - You too? Enjoy the singing, but don't feel hemmed in by the lyrics. Find lyrics that can help you progress forward, like I did.

undeserving unworthy - You too? Try writing a list of positive affirmations for yourself. At the very least, try making a sign and hanging it somewhere where you can look at it every day, like this one I made when I was in the hospital.

Ask Lara:

how do i know if im to nosy? - Well, generally, I'd look for cues from the people around you. Do they often look they want to cause you physical pain when you ask questions? Do they cause you physical pain when you ask questions? That might be a tip-off.

how to poison someone you hate? - Well, the first step is to get some poison.

what's a good segue? - Not this. I hope you had better luck asking Mary P., since that's where you headed next.

palm fronds what are they? - Well, they're fronds. From a palm tree. Pretty much what they sound like.

how to establish good reading habit? - Try picking up a book and reading. That's a good habit.

difference socal norcal? - Socal = materialistic, shallow, superficial. Norcal = crazy, tree-hugging, hippie. That's pretty much it.

pronounce eyre? - Air.

what tense do you write a personal narrative in? - Generally past, unless you're doing commentary on an event as it happens. Or maybe you want to tell the story of a future event?

steps to write a personal narrative? - Number one: experience some sort of event. Number two: write about it.

payless shoe quality? - Not good. But just look at the trade-off in quantity!

fix it or flaunt it? - Depends on what it is. In your case, I think probably fix it.

And the Awards for "WTF?!"

Bronze medalist: because sometimes

Um... sometimes what? I'm on the edge of my seat here...

Silver medalist: ever found was when I

Huh? What are you possibly searching for? Did you actually think this would be specific enough to narrow down your options?

And the Gold medalist:

[drumroll please]

This reminds me of the fable of the bear who couldn't sleep. This was back in the days of no air conditioning, mind you, so you have to keep

To which I say... "WTF?!"

So - how's your traffic?


Anonymous said...

Hahaha! I am laughing at the palm fronds... oh my poor throat, it hurts! BAHAHA!


dancing dragon said...

These are hilarious! Even more so with your commentary.

Btw, I also found that keeping in the best physical health possible helped with depression..

and things that make you laugh are good too..

Anonymous said...

Until I changed the name of one of the pictures on my blog, I was constantly getting hits for an image search on "tightroll jeans" (it really is a funny pic of my husband in highschool with acid washed tightroll jeans).

Yours are hilarious (and scary) stats!

Anonymous said...

I CONSTANTLY get hits for Matt Lattanzi, which worries me.

Sometimes TWICE a day. Maybe you will get the Matt Lattanzi googler too now that I have spoken of him in your comments.

Anonymous said...

Wow. That's a LOT of linkage! I particularly good at segues?

These are great. Like alyndabear, the palm fronds one made me shout with laughter. And the medallists at the end? Oh my, oh my...

I consistently get hits from people wondering about numbness in their arms or legs. I know which post is drawing them, but who knew it was such a consistent, pressing issue??

Anonymous said...

my favorite one this week for me is: does a man just stop loving you in a week

yours are much much more interesting :)

Anonymous said...

"Number one: experience some sort of personal event. Number two: write about it."

Lara, I am falling off my CHAIR!

Anonymous said...

Your commentary is hilarious! And seriously, freaks!
I always wonder why some people can't find things online. I always say, "just google it" and they do and say they can't find anything. Now i know why. lol

Anonymous said...

Oh yeah those stat keywords are scary! I mean who are the sickos looking at stuff on our blogs? Nice to meet you came by mom 101

david santos said...

Hello, Lara David! How are you? (David) my name.
This work is very good, thank you
Good week for you
By, by

Caffeinated Librarian said...

Too funny!

Let's see, my meta got taken over by over 200 folks Googling for crossword puzzle answers...which was fine except it made it impossible to find the real nut jobs in my hits. Oh well, no metadata madness for me until everyone figures out this week's puzzle, I guess.

Lara said...

aly - i'm sorry for your throat, but glad you got a laugh. :)

dancing dragon - i'm glad to have given you some laughter - that makes me happy.

crystal - tightroll jeans, eh? i'm curious to see this picture...

lala - i have no idea who that is. i'll let you know if i get the googler.

mary p. - i don't know if you're good at segues, but for the searcher's sake, i hope so. and numbness in arms and legs? if i start having that problem, i'll know where to go for advice.

ali - wow, that's a great question. i sure hope not!

jen - number one: get off the floor and back in your chair. number two: laugh hard enough to fall back off. lather, rinse, repeat.

aimee - yeah, some people are incompetent googlers, i guess. or maybe they were just looking for my blog posts and i didn't realize it.

mrsmogul - welcome! yeah, there are some skeevy people out there in the world. and somehow, they come to my blog.

david santos - um... HI! :)

CL - crossword puzzle answers? that's weird. the freaks will be back soon, i'm sure.