Besides not being able to fall asleep because I’m stressed out and anxious at night, and besides waking up at 6:00am to throw up because I poorly planned out my respective medicine and eating schedules, there’s another reason I don’t get enough sleep:
It’s because I sit straight up at four in the morning and begin writing.
Yes, about a week ago, I was fast asleep, when suddenly, I started awake, turned on my bedside lamp, grabbed a pen and paper, and messily scribbled this:
I’ve shut down a part of my brain – I’ve closed the flood gates on those thoughts for the time being, because they were just too painful to bear. So I’ve hidden them away, shut them in like monsters in the attic, to gather cobwebs and time. And someday, I’m sure, I’ll open that door, and they won’t be monsters anymore – just memories. And I’ll sift through the past with a feeling not unlike peace, and I’ll remember without hurting, without hating myself.
But until then, that door is closed. It has to be. I can’t move forward with it open. Sometimes the hardest decisions are the ones we most need to make for ourselves.
That is unedited. I submit it as proof that I am as verbose and stilted in my sleep as I ever am when I’m awake.
This, ladies and gentleman, is what keeps me up at night. How about you?
Day 23 of LaBloShoeMo: The
These shoes are so cute, yet simultaneously very professional. The heel is not overbearing – only about an inch and a half or so. There’s a cute little bow in the front (I’m realizing that a lot of my shoes have cute little bows in the front), and these go very well with my black wide-leg slacks. These are one of the early pairs of shoes that got the “Miss David, your shoes are so cute!” comments from students. I have to admit, though, the kids are right - these are darn cute shoes.