Saturday, December 23, 2006

Why I Don't Get Enough Sleep

Besides not being able to fall asleep because I’m stressed out and anxious at night, and besides waking up at 6:00am to throw up because I poorly planned out my respective medicine and eating schedules, there’s another reason I don’t get enough sleep:

It’s because I sit straight up at four in the morning and begin writing.

Yes, about a week ago, I was fast asleep, when suddenly, I started awake, turned on my bedside lamp, grabbed a pen and paper, and messily scribbled this:

I’ve shut down a part of my brain – I’ve closed the flood gates on those thoughts for the time being, because they were just too painful to bear. So I’ve hidden them away, shut them in like monsters in the attic, to gather cobwebs and time. And someday, I’m sure, I’ll open that door, and they won’t be monsters anymore – just memories. And I’ll sift through the past with a feeling not unlike peace, and I’ll remember without hurting, without hating myself.

But until then, that door is closed. It has to be. I can’t move forward with it open. Sometimes the hardest decisions are the ones we most need to make for ourselves.

That is unedited. I submit it as proof that I am as verbose and stilted in my sleep as I ever am when I’m awake.

This, ladies and gentleman, is what keeps me up at night. How about you?


Day 23 of LaBloShoeMo: The Tweed Pumps

These shoes are so cute, yet simultaneously very professional. The heel is not overbearing – only about an inch and a half or so. There’s a cute little bow in the front (I’m realizing that a lot of my shoes have cute little bows in the front), and these go very well with my black wide-leg slacks. These are one of the early pairs of shoes that got the “Miss David, your shoes are so cute!” comments from students. I have to admit, though, the kids are right - these are darn cute shoes.


Anonymous said...

What keeps me up at night? Foraging for fruit. My clueless companions who echolocate at center frequencies other than the ones they were assigned and so confuse the rest of us. Also whether I'll ever think of something decent enough and not-done enough so I can graduate with my PhD.

Sans segue: I don't think you've ever written an entry on this topic (or did I miss it?), but it seems like a good one (at least to this non-blogger): What are your goals, short- and long-term, for your students whom you teach?

I tutor two fifth graders in EPATT, so I have my answer to the question.

Lara said...

batty - hmmm, i think those first two are sort of unavoidable for your species. as to graduating, well, if i knew anything at all about your particular field, i might be able to make logical suggestions. however, i do not. i'm sure you'll find something, though.

i have not written an entry on that topic. i'll have to consider the issue. obviously, specific unit and lesson goals are dependent on the grade level, particular texts, and (of course) state and/or AP standards. however, the broader goals are a little less directly mandated. i'd have to think about that. what's your answer?