Thursday, November 23, 2006

We Gather Together

I know, I know - I'm mid-series. But I wanted to break from our regularly scheduled program to wish you and yours a happy Thanksgiving. I sincerely send to you all my fervent hope that you find much for which to be thankful this season, and much joy in the company of friends and/or family. For myself, I am blessed to be with my mom and sister, and to know in my heart that I am loved by many others with whom I could not spend the holiday.

But even so, if we're being totally honest here (and I generally try to be), I'm finding it hard to be happy. I can practice gratitude, and feel love, but the joy itself seems to be eluding me.

Instead, I cry.

Sometimes, that's just how it goes.


Anonymous said...

You generally try to be totally honest? I don't think I agree, even limited to totally honest with yourself. Happy Thanksgiving, however.

Anonymous said...

Have a Happy Thanksgiving Kari. I hope you find yourself some joy, even if it is disguised as turkey or yummy dessert! xo

Anonymous said...

Jeez Anonymous, if you're going to do a blatant attack like that you should at least have the guts to sign your name.

I think most people try to be honest with themselves and others; its hard though, because it gets balanced with all of us wanting to feel good about ourselves.

I've heard that people who are depressed are often more honest than many other times because they avoid the second bias. However, when we're depressed, we tend to pick up yet a third bias and instead of shining the coal into diamonds we take all the flowers in our lives and call them weeds.

Kari, joy will come. But it is the last to come on the path out of depression, and will probably sneak up on you when you least expect it. Feel the kindle of love and hope, and let that warm your toes and your heart while we wait for the fire of reemerging joy.

I give thanks for many things, but not small among them the fact that you are a part of my life. Happy Thanksgiving; I'll see you when you get back to Palo Alto.

Anonymous said...

I agree with Kevin, both in his response to anonymous and in his comments about joy being the last to arrive and arriving as a surprise. I love you. For me, right now it is enough that you are here within my reach.

Anonymous said...

It wasn't written as a blatant attack. I don't think very many people actually want to be totally honest with themselves and certainly not with others. Total honesty can be brutal and is certainly at odds with genuince niceness, because part of being nice is understanding when total honesty would actually be more hurtful or more selfish.

I felt it might be something Kari chose as a figure of speech at the time. Later, it occurred to me that it may alternatively be a recent shift in policy after the upheaval of the past month.

As for anonymity, I think it's better this way. I don't expect Kari to have too much trouble identifying me (and it's even easier if blogger offers IP addresses of anonymous commenters, but I don't know if it does). And, getting caught in the personal honesty issues between us mostly distracts from my main point. I can always identify myself when I pick her up on Sunday.

Lara said...

anonymous - i think i mostly meant here on the blog. by which i mean that if i'm going to bring something up on the blog, i'm not going to lie about it. if i'm feeling unhappy and i don't want people to know, i just won't post. but if i'm going to post, then i'm not going to pretend to feel a way i'm not feeling. i may omit things, but i generally don't lie about them. not here. in real life, well, as you say, i'm probably not totally honest. this isn't really the place to address that, though.

alyndabear - thank you for the turkey day wishes, my friend from the other side of the world. i think the joy came less in the form of food and more in the form of the company. :)

kevin - i appreciate that you've got my back. ;) i'm working on being patient with the joy, but some days are harder than others. i, too, am grateful you (and tali) are in my life. hope your holiday weekend is going well, too.

mom - i appreciate you've got my back, too. ;) i'm glad to be within your reach again. we are apart far too much.